Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With society's rapid development,

advertisements

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have become more varied than before. Advertising influences modern

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people

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’s thinking and how they define it. Some believe that

advertisements

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tend to put

people

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on the same page, but others don’t. I agree with the former, and I will elaborate

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

detail in

this

Linking Words

essay. First and foremost, the primary reason is that

advertisements

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always advocate a specific aesthetic. To be more specific, the adman is prone to promoting products and services that have/equip/possess high economic value based on considerable profit, leading

people

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to buy the same goods and services the

advertiser

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provides.

For instance

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, jeans were a typical outfit for local American farmers working on the farm.

However

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, after being packaged by the commercials, jeans became one of the trends in the world and sold at high prices.

As a result

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, the advertisement allows

people

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to have a convergence of opinion

due to

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the capital operation. Another reason is that

advertisements

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look so similar that it is difficult to distinguish them. To be more detailed, current

advertisements

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use the same models and patterns.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they imitate high-reach works to attract/appeal consumers' eyeballs/focus/attention.

This

Linking Words

approach causes

people

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to watch and see/browse the same content, which disturbs

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people

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’s thinking process.

For example

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, short

videos

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influence

people

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abundantly. Creators use some ways to attract

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people

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’s attention,

such

Linking Words

as using the same music, filming techniques, and brainwashing content. In the

advertiser

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’s aspect, high-reach

videos

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or works can bring more profit to them.

Consequently

Linking Words

, social

media

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traffic and

advertiser

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induction lead to undifferentiated

advertisements

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For example

Linking Words

, short

videos

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are continually exposed, causing

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people

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’s brains to have delayed reactions and be easily brainwashed. Potential consumers imitate and replicate the values by osmosis derived from the visual impact of long-term short

videos

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Consequently

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, social

media

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traffic and

advertiser

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induction lead to undifferentiated

advertisements

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To conclude

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, I reaffirmed that

advertisements

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lead

people

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to be the same individuals with no distinctive differences. Modern beauty standards and social

media

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influence

people

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to accept their desired content.

Moreover

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along with

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advertiser

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propaganda, the balance line becomes more blurred.

Hence

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, it is undeniable that

media

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literacy is essential to

people

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and should be emphasized.

cba8887Thu Sep 05 2024

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General

Some sentences are awkwardly phrased and can be simplified for better readability. For example, instead of saying 'advertisements tend to put people on the same page,' you could say 'advertisements tend to make people similar.'

Task Response

You have repetitive ideas in the concluding paragraph. Try to avoid redundancy and ensure each sentence adds new information or reinforces your argument uniquely.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to avoid informal language such as 'eyeballs' and 'brainwashing.' Opt for more formal terms like 'attention' and 'strong influence.'

Task Response

The essay provides relevant, specific examples to support the argument, such as the discussion about jeans and short videos. This strengthens the task response and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The main points are logically structured, and there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

358 words

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