IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some pople think that wild animals should not be kept in Zoos. Others, believe that there are good reasons of having Zoos. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#pople #animals #zoos
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Keeping
animals
 in the zoological areas is accepted by some people,
however
, others think it is a wrong decision to relocate the animal's habitat. Both approaches have logical reasons which I want to address in my essay. On the one hand, zoos have existed t around the world for many years from the past until the present time. some of these places are not in a perfect situation,
for instance
, they are keeping large size
animals
such
 as
an
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apply
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elephant
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elephants
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 in a limited area, so these big mammals do not have enough space to move freely and would face difficulties. In my opinion, it is totally immoral activity to bring
animals
 into cages just to have fun and entertainment without considering a comfortable environment for them. They are live creatures like humans,
therefore
 they have the right to live in a perfect place.
On the other hand
, a huge number of species are in danger of extinction
due to
 climate change and deforestation,
therefore
 it will be necessary to build some preserved areas for these types of
animals
, and
also
 provide sufficient nutrients and sustainable homes for them.
Additionally
, hunting is another problem that puts lots range of
animals
 in danger, hunting by humans or predators.
For example
, in Iran, deer are at risk of being hunted by hunters or wolves, so the government advocates some areas to be preserved as national parks. In conclusion,
while
 the public believes that keeping
animals
 in zoos is a wrong decision, in some cases it is an essential act to prohibit their extinction. It will be to consider a balanced and appropriate approach to care for
animals
 and save our nature full of them.
Submitted by ostorr7213 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures and a stronger introduction. Consider using more complex sentences to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Try to avoid grammatical errors and improve vocabulary usage for a more polished essay. Use transitional phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view and addresses both sides of the argument effectively. Your viewpoint is clear and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a coherent final opinion.
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