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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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An increasing number of individuals prefer to use electronic devices to relax.
This
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 trend can be linked to several reasons, including the accessibility and convenience that these gadgets bring.
However
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, I think that
this
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 tendency is harmful because it consumes too much time and replaces face-to-face connections with virtual ones.
Firstly
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, a great number of options are presented to potential buyers by the many tech companies that have grown over the years, launching new phone models quite often.
This
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 variety ensures that
generally
Add a comma
generally,
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 everyone will be able to find a phone that meets their requirements.
Furthermore
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, modern smartphones are designed in a way that any individual can use them, even the elderly.
For example
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, they can contact their children, play a game, or pay their bills from the comfort of their own homes.
Although
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 technology provides convenience, I think it can
also
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 have harmful tendencies.
While
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 electronics can be of great help, if used excessively, they can lead to negative consequences. People tend to neglect face-to-face interactions when given the opportunity to stay at home, which can sometimes result in mental health issues.
For instance
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, excessive scrolling through social media may lead to anxiety as people compare their lives with those of the creators they idolize online.
To sum up
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, electronic devices are mostly easy to acquire and undeniably provide convenience, resulting in their growth in popularity.
While
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 these gadgets offer many benefits, it is important to keep in mind the mental and physical health risks caused by their excessive use.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the natural flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the prompt, but consider adding more relevant and specific examples to support your points further. This will enhance your argument's robustness.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the topic, offering both reasons and evaluations of the trend towards smartphone use.
coherence cohesion
The introduction appropriately sets up the topic, and the conclusion ties the points back to give a complete response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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