Some people bellive that young people should choose the jobs that they want. But other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future

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Some
people
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think teenagers should select the
future
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jobs
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which they want. But others believe being realistic, should be more useful for their
future
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. On the one hand,
people
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should choose good staff for their
future
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and
also
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their interest related to their
jobs
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.
For example
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: when
people
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do not want to do kind of
things
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they can not do
this
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thing very well.
That is
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a way
choosing
Change preposition
of choosing
show examples
jobs
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that they want. It is useful and it is not boring for them. Because they can do all the
things
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that they want and their mood will be perfect during the work. It is one of the important
things
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at work.
Thus
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, selecting a job which was we want important to us.
On the other hand
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, being more realistic
also
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should be well for us.
For instance
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: our interests were changeable but life is real. Our thoughts and other
things
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will change but we have to be realistic for our
future
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life. Maybe we can not find work which is related to our interests or in our nation we do not need the kind of
jobs
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that we want.
Thus
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, being realistic always good for us and it is
also
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useful for
people
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. In conclusion,
people
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have to be realistic because life's rules do not change but our ideas and interests are changing.
Thus
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, in my opinion, being realistic more efficient than what we want. And it is
also
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more useful for our nation. And being realistic can give
more
Correct pronoun usage
us more
show examples
opportunities for us.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. Providing relevant examples will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases will help to create smoother connections and make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is important for a complete response to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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