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Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today.  Discuss both views.

#people #music #form #entertainment #impact #society
There is ongoing debate about the role of
music
 in society. Some
people
 claim that
music
 is a simple way of amusement,
while
 other
individuals
 think that nowadays,
music
 has a great influence on the general public. I support the latter point of view as
music
serve
Change the verb form
serves
show examples
 as a catalyst that can change important global issues. On the one hand,
according to
 some,
music
 is just a superficial thing that
people
 often use for enjoyment and relaxation purposes.
This
 is because popular songs and dance tracks are always played at social gatherings
such
 as
bithday
Correct your spelling
birthday
 parties, weddings or concerts to create a lively atmosphere and enhance the experience for guests
thus
 allowing them to unwind their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
For example
, in
kazakhstan
Change the capitalization
Kazakhstan
show examples
, the majority of
individuals
 used to enjoy listening to light and joyless songs which help to improve their mood and to transform a monotonous life into
pleasurable
Correct article usage
a pleasurable
show examples
 background.
Therefore
, some
people
's perspective sees
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
 as an
inserious
Correct your spelling
unserious
in serious
serious
 element which just adds value to events and assists humans
to relax
Change preposition
in relaxing
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I back up those
people
's opinion who claim that today
music
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a huge role in society since it has a great power to
insentive
Correct your spelling
incentive
incentivize
individuals
 in order to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
start waking up to
seriousness
Add an article
the seriousness
show examples
 of
world
 problems and begin trying their best to change it for better. What drives human beings to raise their
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of important issues is a meaningful message in the text of
music
. To illustrate, John Lennon's
iconis
Correct your spelling
iconic
 track "Imagine" became an anthem for peace and unity,
inspirng
Correct your spelling
inspiring
 listeners around the
world
 to respond
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the need for harmony and the possibility of
world
Add an article
a world
show examples
 without conflict.
This
 demonstrates
music
's unique ability to convey messages that resonate deeply with
people
 and influence their perspectives.   In conclusion,
although
 thought that
music
 is a superficial tool for public amusement,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 if we see it as a serious influencer of
Correct article usage
the human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 mind that can shift our
world
 from war to a more tranquil place , definitely
individuals
 will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to alter their mindset for the better society through decent songs.
Submitted by almirasartayeva on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically flows from one point to the next. Consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler, more digestible points to aid clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and explanations to cover every aspect of the question more thoroughly. This will strengthen your argument and enhance the persuasiveness of your response.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both views and supports the argument that music has a significant impact on society, fulfilling the main task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a structured start and end to the essay, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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