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Band 7.5

Many university students live in a family but other live away from their home because of long distance between their home and university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this issue ?

#university #students #home #distance
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In the current era, more and more
university
 provides a residence for their
students
due to
 the long distance.
While
 others still stay at their home. In the following essay, we explore certain merits and demerits of
this
 risk, and I will mention my perspective viewpoints.
To begin
 with, there are numerous positive effects that colleagues live together. Primarily, social reasons create support and working in a team.
For example
, research conducted by AL Watan newspaper in September 2019 illustrated that "Successful
students
 in the community who share friends in a place and a study".
Besides
this
, several young people have mental health when they live in a close administration
as well as
 they can produce more than
students
 who live near their parents.
In addition
,
this
 category of the public has much time to associate with activities at
university
For instance
, my little brother who lives in a hostel, is active in media and introduced assisting by taking photos inside the
university
.
On the other hand
, a variety of youngsters who stay with their parents, lose confidence. To demonstrate more, a lot of time
this
 category depends on their family to accomplish tasks.
Thus
,
students
 can not organize their clothes and food , unlike
students
 in the hostel.
Moreover
, there are issues with how
this
 student spends the money throughout the day. A clear example is my sister who studies at the
University
 of Nizwa and comes back home in the evening, she has difficulty spending her money on food or printing papers. In conclusion, I am convinced both have pros and cons.
However
, I firmly assert that
students
 live with a team close to the administration that acquires physical and mental health.
Consequently
, the government should put a strict rule for
students
 who live in a small accommodation in respect and cooperation.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
Your essay touches upon both advantages and disadvantages effectively. However, try to elaborate on each point a bit more to provide a comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical issues and some awkward phrasing. Consider focusing on sentence structure and ensuring your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Some examples were well-placed, but a few more relevant examples could enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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