IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos.

#zoos #alternatives #environment #arguments #animals
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There has been a long debate about whether
zoos
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 are ethical or necessary. Some argue that
zoos
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 provide valuable benefits,
while
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 others believe that
zoos
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 are not a substitute for adequate habitat.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and provide a personal opinion on the issue. One of the main arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of
zoos
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 is that they serve as
conservation
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centers
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centres
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. With many animal species threatened or on the verge of extinction
due to
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 habitat loss and poaching,
zoos
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 offer a controlled, safe environment where
animals
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 can thrive and their populations can be maintained.
For example
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, species
such
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 as the giant panda and the Sumatran tiger have benefited from zoo breeding programs.
Additionally
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,
zoos
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 allow the public to learn about
animals
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, which can foster a sense of responsibility for animal welfare and
conservation
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.
On the other hand
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, opponents argue that
zoos
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 cannot replicate an animal’s natural habitat,
that
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which
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 often
resulting
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results
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 in physical and psychological harm to the
animals
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.
Animals
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 kept in confined spaces may develop abnormal
behaviors
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behaviours
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,
such
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 as pacing or self-harm,
due to
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 stress and boredom.
Furthermore
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, critics argue that modern technology, like virtual reality and documentaries, can provide educational experiences without the need to keep
animals
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 in captivity. In my opinion,
while
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zoos
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 can play a role in
conservation
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 and education, they should evolve into more natural and spacious wildlife sanctuaries rather than traditional enclosures.
This
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 would offer
animals
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 a more natural environment and improve their welfare. Ultimately, the focus should be on providing the best possible care for
animals
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while
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 promoting
conservation
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. In conclusion,
zoos
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 have advantages and disadvantages, ranging from
conservation
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 efforts to potential
harms
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harm
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 to animal welfare. A balanced approach, with
zoos
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 focusing on the environment as sanctuaries, can effectively address ethical issues and
conservation
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 needs.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Although the essay provides a strong task response, it could delve deeper into examples or counterarguments to further enhance its comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is quite effective, but consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear indication of the essay's purpose and a summary of the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay presents balanced arguments for and against zoos, staying focused on the question throughout.
task achievement
Examples, such as those of the giant panda and the Sumatran tiger, provide relevance and specificity to the points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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