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Band 7

Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos.

#zoos #alternatives #environment #arguments #animals
Zoos
 are usually regarded as places necessary to put wild
animals
 inside.
However
, some people may see these approaches as ineffective alternatives to the natural habitats of the
animals
.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives regarding keeping
animals
 in
zoos
. First of all, keeping endangered
animals
 in
zoos
 is important to monitor their activity and protect them from extinction. By letting the
animals
 roam around the artificial environment in
zoos
, they are being protected from both wildlife and illegal hunters, preventing them from being killed and extinct.
Besides
 that, by letting them live in
zoos
, the process of mating is more efficient as it can be monitored easily and remotely by using surveillance cameras.
However
, some people might disagree with the idea of putting endangered
animals
 in the
zoo
 because there are some reports regarding the lack of appropriate treatment given to those
animals
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
 officers. Some
zoos
 are irresponsible that they let the
animals
 starve for several days. Aside from the irresponsibility of the
zoos
, some visitors
also
 contribute to the lack of good treatment
such
 as when they are feeding plastic bags and soda cans to the
animals
. If
this
 continues to happen, the
animals
 in the
zoos
 will be threatened as their digestive system will be ruined. In conclusion, animal conservation in
zoos
 is mandatory to protect them from the harsh wildlife.
However
,
zoo
 owners need to ensure the
animals
 are given the appropriate treatment both by the
zoo
 officers
as well as
 the visitors.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a distinct point for clarity.
task achievement
Add more examples or facts to deepen your arguments and enhance persuasiveness.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion on both perspectives concerning zoos.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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