Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, people have different views about whether pupils should have more responsibilities
such
as assisting at home
and so on or despite studying, they have to be free to relax. While
helping at home
is a good way to teach children
how to survive adult lives, I believe that being free outside the walls of the school is much more important.
On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why teenagers should not be busy with giving assistance at home
after school. Firstly
, due to
the fact that they are just evolving beings, they have to enjoy and spend their time as they wish. For example
, some would do sports,any activities or self-development, others perhaps would go out with friends and just relax. Secondly
, adults are not just able to force their tiny ones to do these housework
, because by doing Change the determiner
this housework
this
they destroy the pupils' private space. Lastly
, although
children
are capable of helping their parents
at
housework, It does not take away from the fact that they are just kids and could easily get some injuries or even face tragic traumas.
Change preposition
with
On the other hand
, nevertheless
, assisting their adult children
could have some benefits. First of all, parents
could inspire their children
by teaching them how to clean a house or fix a car and so on, which means that children
obtain several basic skills that would help them in the future no doubt. Moreover
, as children
grow up, they will need to help their parents
, partly because their parents
also
grow up and they will experience some difficulties, partly due to
the fact that they live together with
their parents
and the house where they live is also
their home
. In addition
, children
should not be responsible for doing this
deal, however
, parents
have to set an example of the reason why they need to help them. For example
, they could explain to them that by doing something together, they would finish it much faster.
In conclusion, personally, i
think that Change the capitalization
I
children
are not obliged to help their parents
with household chores, instead
they should be free to choose what they can do, and then
they will decide whether they will help or rest after school.Submitted by talgattan4ez on
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General
Overall, you've done a commendable job at presenting both sides of the argument. However, there are a few areas where you can improve. First, try to avoid minor grammar errors and awkward phrasing to make your essay more polished. Focusing on sentence structure and varying sentence length will also help your essay read more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively to make your arguments flow seamlessly from one to another. This will improve the logical structure of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Task Achievement
While your main points are well-supported, providing more specific examples can enhance your arguments. Try to include one or two more specific instances that make your points more concrete.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easier to read and understand.
Task Response
You present both views on the topic thoroughly, ensuring that your discussion is balanced and comprehensive.
Conclusion
You do a good job of summarizing your viewpoint in the conclusion, linking it back to the points you made throughout the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.