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Writing Samples
Band 8

Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated. Does this machine automation have more pros than cons?

#machine #work #automation
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Due to
 the recent advancements in technology, most types of work have been automated and the need for manual work may be finished in the next decades. In
this
 essay, I discuss the merits and demerits of these changes. In general, the pros outweigh the cons.
Firstly
, automation can bring convenience and facilitation for individuals and firms. In simpler terms, with the progress of technology, many robots and machines are being developed and they can be a great help for companies to save budgets.
Besides
, the danger of working with vehicles and tools will be diminished for labourers which always causes injuries.
For example
, there are many individuals who have lost their sight by using chemical substances or are disabled
due to
 using equipment.
additionally
, machines and AI technologies are great assistants in the medical field.
In other words
, these days the demand for using automated surgery robots is increasing because they assist doctors in finding the roots of diseases and getting rid of them with the minimum injury,
hence
 the expenses for patients would be affordable. They
also
 can be utilized in labs for diagnosing any issues,
for example
, we witnessed in China the robots took COVID tests from local people.
However
, by using bots and automated tools unemployment will increase significantly. In simpler terms, with growth of the AI, the need for labourer work would decrease and many companies would lay off workers and leave them to live on the breadline.
Overall
, it is undeniable that nowadays many machines are automated and these changes have numerous advantages but the positive effects overpower the negative effects.
Nevertheless
, companies and governments should strike between their utilization of AI and workers' livelihoods.
Submitted by amini.parastoo on

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conclusion
Consider strengthening the conclusion by summarizing the key points more clearly and adding a final opinion or recommendation.
language variety
Avoid using repetitive phrases like 'in simpler terms' in multiple parts of the essay. Find varied ways to express similar ideas for improved readability.
balance
Try to provide a more balanced discussion by adding additional arguments against automation, potentially including more societal impacts or longer-term consequences.
task achievement
You've effectively outlined the major advantages of automation, particularly in cost savings and safety improvements, making your points clear and persuasive.
logical structure
The essay has a logical flow from one point to the next, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
examples
Examples such as the use of surgical robots in medicine and COVID tests in China effectively illustrate your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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