IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A segment of society argues that excessive attention and
resources
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 are allocated to the protection of wild animals and birds.
Nevertheless
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, I maintain that safeguarding these creatures is a moral imperative, and we must dedicate additional
resources
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 to ensure their survival, as their existence is intricately linked to human decisions. It is undoubtedly true that numerous individuals contribute to the well-being of animals by addressing their needs,
such
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 as nourishment and security.
However
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, many
species
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 continue to face dire consequences
due to
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 a deficit in support and funding.
For example
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, a number of endangered bird
species
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 in a local zoo have perished
as a result
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 of inadequate provision of food and water, signifying a critical failure of governmental responsibility.
Moreover
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, it is essential for humanity to take an active role in preserving wildlife and allocating sufficient
resources
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 for their protection. Neglecting
this
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 duty will inevitably lead to a decline in their populations, which, in turn, adversely impacts the ecosystem.
This
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 troubling trend is becoming increasingly prevalent; there has been a noticeable decrease in public concern for animal welfare, resulting in diminishing support and
resources
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 for wildlife conservation.
For instance
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, many
species
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 in Africa are grappling with health issues, primarily
due to
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 insufficient advocacy and assistance from the human population. In conclusion, I posit that both governments and individuals do not commit adequate
resources
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 to wildlife protection, thereby providing insufficient support for these vulnerable
species
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. The diminishing numbers of rare birds and other animals serve as a stark reminder of the urgent need for increased attention and action. Without a renewed commitment to conservation efforts, the repercussions on nature and biodiversity could be catastrophic.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on specific examples that demonstrate the importance of wildlife protection, to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve the overall flow and connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The argument presents clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the topic directly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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