IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
A segment of society argues that excessive attention and
resources
Use synonyms
 are allocated to the protection of wild animals and birds.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I maintain that safeguarding these creatures is a moral imperative, and we must dedicate additional
resources
Use synonyms
 to ensure their survival, as their existence is intricately linked to human decisions.
Body paragraph 1
It is undoubtedly true that numerous individuals contribute to the well-being of animals by addressing their needs,
such
Linking Words
 as nourishment and security.
However
Linking Words
, many
species
Use synonyms
 continue to face dire consequences
due to
Linking Words
 a deficit in support and funding.
For example
Linking Words
, a number of endangered bird
species
Use synonyms
 in a local zoo have perished
as a result
Linking Words
 of inadequate provision of food and water, signifying a critical failure of governmental responsibility.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is essential for humanity to take an active role in preserving wildlife and allocating sufficient
resources
Use synonyms
 for their protection. Neglecting
this
Linking Words
 duty will inevitably lead to a decline in their populations, which, in turn, adversely impacts the ecosystem.
This
Linking Words
 troubling trend is becoming increasingly prevalent; there has been a noticeable decrease in public concern for animal welfare, resulting in diminishing support and
resources
Use synonyms
 for wildlife conservation.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
species
Use synonyms
 in Africa are grappling with health issues, primarily
due to
Linking Words
 insufficient advocacy and assistance from the human population.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I posit that both governments and individuals do not commit adequate
resources
Use synonyms
 to wildlife protection, thereby providing insufficient support for these vulnerable
species
Use synonyms
. The diminishing numbers of rare birds and other animals serve as a stark reminder of the urgent need for increased attention and action. Without a renewed commitment to conservation efforts, the repercussions on nature and biodiversity could be catastrophic.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding on specific examples that demonstrate the importance of wildlife protection, to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve the overall flow and connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The argument presents clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the topic directly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: