More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Undoubtedly, most of the
kids
are suffering from obesity nowadays.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
kids
are starting to become obese
due to
living in rich
cities
, there is
also
an argument that
this
is going to create an issue for rich
cities
.
This
essay will analyse the topic from both points of causes and effects. On the one hand, young individuals are starting to get overweight via the nutrients available in their city.
Moreover
, many fast-food restaurants are trying to open in affluent towns because of the financial gain they can achieve there.
Therefore
,
kids
from these sorts of countries have a lot of options to make in their nutrient resources.
For instance
, a study from Harvard University demonstrated that 88% of teenagers, including young
kids
from wealthy
cities
, tend to prefer unhealthy food like McDonald's.
Therefore
, they gain extra weight and get fat.
On the other hand
, the nations will have various issues
due to
overweight
kids
.
In addition
, the obesity ratio will increase in the youth population,
as well as
wealthy countries can not benefit from them
due to
their weight.
Furthermore
, when
kids
grow to become men or women, their job chances will be reduced
due to
being overweight.
For example
, wealthy countries will need soldiers in the future, so if most of the young population is fat,
then
the military jobs can not hire them
due to
their size. In conclusion,
while
there is no definitive answer to
this
issue, I believe that fat young people are getting obese because of the financial stabilise
cities
, which contain many unhealthy foods. In terms of the various problems that
cities
will encounter, they will gain fat people as soon as these
kids
grow up.
Submitted by ferasmirza11 on

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task achievement
Try to develop more detailed examples that illustrate your points clearly. For instance, when discussing how fast-food options increase, you might want to specify how accessibility to these foods affects daily choices in diet.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are clearly connected. While your essay flows well, adding more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, additionally, however) could enhance clarity in transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that highlight the key points of your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, especially the study from Harvard University.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-structured and organized, making your argument strong and easy to follow.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
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