More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people Say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is considered that many individuals are becoming overweight in a serious way.
Although
some people
think that increasing the prices of fattening food
can be a solution, I partly disagree with this
statement as there are other possible solutions for this
.
On the one hand, despite the increased cost
of unhealthy food
, there are other solutions, too. First of all, diet can be a reliable method to help reduce obesity. If they keep an eye on their food
diary and stop to eat food
which contains oil more than limited. Case in point, scientists pointed out that people
struggling with weight should be encouraged to eat more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains instead
of eating fattening foods like fast food
that includes more oil and meat. They, as a result
, have a chance to lose their weight with the proper way to eat. Moreover
, doing regular basic exercises may be another possible solution rather than increasing the cost
of food
. When they perform various advantageous body exercises before breakfast, exercises give them an opportunity to become less overweight during a particular time. This
is why, when they perform activities, especially early in the morning, their bodies stay active and may assist to reduce
their weight.
Change preposition
in reducing
On the other hand
, some people
point out that the increased price of fattening food
is a solution. Though humans who want to not be seriously overweight, want to eat high-calorie food
, they might think about the cost
of them in supermarkets. Many people
are less likely to purchase expensive fattening foods for themselves. Not cheap fattening food
might not be purchased by overweight humans as they know about their ingredients. As a consequence
, people
who do not buy and eat unhealthy food
, are more likely to become thin.
In conclusion, while
raising the cost
of high-calorie food
may reduce some consumption, I believe that adopting a balanced diet and regular exercise are more practical solutions to address obesity effectively..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Task Achievement
Try to address the prompt more directly in the introduction by stating clearly the extent to which you agree or disagree.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea to make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and succinct, giving a clear sense of the essay's direction and completion.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a well-balanced argument, discussing both sides of the topic.
Task Achievement
Used relevant examples to strengthen and clarify the points made.
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