IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people think that government should take measures regarding healthy lifestyle of individuals.others think it must be managed by individuals. discuss both views and provide your own opinion

#people #government #measures #lifestyle #individuals
The debate over whether the government is responsible for providing a healthy life for citizens or if individuals' own contributions play a more significant role remains contentious. Some argue that the state should build infrastructure and restrict substance abuse to ensure
health
 .
However
, others believe that individuals are the ones who must be charged for being healthy.
This
 essay will elucidate both viewpoints and offer a personal perspective. On the one hand,it is evident that policymakers should build infrastructure,
such
 as open-air gyms which enable city dwellers to access free exercise. A good example of
this
 can be seen in Astana city where the city council implemented a botanic park including fitness equipment, allowing people to not only burn extra calories but
also
 empty their minds which is crucial for stress management.
Additionally
, state authorities play a crucial role in restricting smoking and alcohol consumption, two major factors causing serious deceases. A recent study has revealed that the government can ensure both better
health
 conditions for the citizens but
also
 cut down expenses in order to treat smoking-related deceases just by banning smoking in public areas.
Conversely
, it is important to recognize that other factors
such
 as a balanced diet and regular daily exercise are
also
 crucial to ensure
health
. it is widely accepted that individuals who consume healthy food are less likely to face weight problems, diabetes and other
health
 issues related to obesity.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear conclusion that summarizes your stance and arguments. Your essay so far lacks a conclusive ending.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to enhance the coherence and flow of your writing. Though your structure is good, varying sentence lengths and types will improve readability.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples, such as mentioning Astana's infrastructure initiatives, which strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and clear separation of views for and against government intervention.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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