IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
Some state that modern developments in
technology
 allow
people
 to stay together even if they are not in the same place.
However
, others believe that modern
technology
 leads some
people
 to isolation. In my view, modern
technology
 has surely many advantages in terms of bringing
people
 together but it could
also
 affect
people
 in a negative way by driving them apart. Regarding the advantages, keeping in touch on a daily basis even if
people
 are distant would not be possible without modern devices, like smartphones or computers.
Hence
,
this
 helps
people
 to maintain bonds,
such
 as friendships or brotherhoods, that in the past would have been lost.
For instance
, my brother spent
last
 year studying abroad in the USA and video calls were the only way in which we were able to communicate.
Thus
, I agree that modern
technology
 has played a key role in bringing
people
 together.
However
, looking at its drawbacks,
people
 are now able to do everything from their houses. It is not only possible to work from home but
people
 could
also
 order food and groceries, or any other type of item. It could certainly seem a positive point and in some ways it is.
However
, some
people
 choose to never go out and isolate themselves. They create their own world inside the internet, making friends that they have never met. Research proved that these behaviours will soon lead these
people
 to health diseases]],
due to
 lack of physical activity.
Furthermore
, psychologists are worried about the mental condition of these
people
. In conclusion, I believe that modern
technology
 should be seen as a positive development,
nevertheless
,
people
 should be conscious of its possible drawbacks.
Submitted by alessandrorepola.repola on

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coherence
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are clear and smooth, potentially using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your points, especially when discussing the impacts of technology on isolation.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, with clear presentation of both viewpoints.
logical structure
There is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.
supported main points
The main points are adequately supported with examples, such as the use of video calls to maintain relationships.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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