Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #societies #difference #members

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Economy

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Economic

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disparities between

people

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in a

society

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could create friction.

Hence

Linking Words

, many

people

Use synonyms

think that it is important to ensure

small

Correct article usage

a small

show examples

difference in

earning

Correct your spelling

earnings

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between the richest and the poorest person.

However

Linking Words

, other

people

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think,

this

Linking Words

is an unrealistic approach. Personally, I think it is impossible to regulate

people

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income

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this

Linking Words

capitalistic world.

Moreover

Linking Words

, we

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

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create happiness in a

society

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. Happiness is an inherent feature of every individual.

Firstly

Linking Words

every one

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everyone

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has different abilities, educational backgrounds, and even family backgrounds that

contributing

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contribute

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to one's salary. We could not control their backgrounds and recent circumstances to

unsure

Correct your spelling

ensure

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their salaries are only slightly

difference

Replace the word

different

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with

Change preposition

from

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other person's

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

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For example

Linking Words

, even in Beverly Hills societies, the

jet-sets

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jet-set

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groups do not have similar

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income

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incomes

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. It is normal even for rich

people

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to have financial problems or ups and downs circumstances that create

Use synonyms

income

Correct article usage

an income

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gap with other rich communities.

Secondly

Linking Words

, there is no guarantee that

the

Correct article usage

show examples

similitar

Correct your spelling

similar

level of earning will

creates

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create

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happier

Correct article usage

a happier

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society

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. There are still other factors

such

Linking Words

as health

condition

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conditions

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, values, and

government

Correct article usage

the government

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system.

For example

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

in North Korea have

the

Correct article usage

show examples

similar level of

earning

Fix the agreement mistake

earnings

show examples

However

Linking Words

, there are many of them are not happy. Most of them want to exodus to South Korea.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I think the idea

to make

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of making

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happier

society

Use synonyms

by ensuring

slight

Correct article usage

a slight

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difference in

income

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is not realistic

due to

Linking Words

underlying

Correct article usage

the underlying

show examples

differences we have. It

Change the verb form

also has

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also

Linking Words

has no guarantee of success.

Therefore

Linking Words

I think

this

Linking Words

approach will not meet its objective. It is better to have a strong justice and democratic system to

unsure

Correct your spelling

ensure

show examples

people

Use synonyms

are treated equally no matter how rich or how poor they are.

Submitted by edna.c.pattisina on Thu Dec 12 2024

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Grammar

Ensure consistent use of singular and plural forms, i.e., 'ensure small difference' should be 'ensure small differences'.

Task Response

Expand a bit more on the introduction to clarify both perspectives on the topic.

Language Use

Some phrases could be more polished for clarity, e.g., 'jet-sets groups' should be 'jet-set groups'.

Task Response

The essay presents a clear stance that is well-explained throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.

Development of Ideas

Main points are well supported by relevant examples, such as referencing Beverly Hills and North Korea.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

TOO MUCH EMPHASIS IS GIVEN FOR EDUCATION OF THE YOUNG . MORE GOVERNMENT MONEY SHOULD BE SPENT TO FREE TIME ACTIVITY OF YOUNG PEOPLE

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local custom and codes of behavior. Do you agree or disagree ?