Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Economy
disparities between Replace the word
Economic
people
in a society
could create friction. Hence
, many people
think that it is important to ensure small
difference in Correct article usage
a small
earning
between the richest and the poorest person. Correct your spelling
earnings
However
, other people
think, this
is an unrealistic approach. Personally, I think it is impossible to regulate people
's income
in this
capitalistic world. Moreover
, we could not
create happiness in a Wrong verb form
cannot
society
. Happiness is an inherent feature of every individual.
Firstly
, every one
has different abilities, educational backgrounds, and even family backgrounds thatReplace the word
everyone
contributing
to one's salary. We could not control their backgrounds and recent circumstances to Change the form of the verb
contribute
unsure
their salaries are only slightly Correct your spelling
ensure
difference
Replace the word
different
with
other person's Change preposition
from
salary
. Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
For example
, even in Beverly Hills societies, the jet-sets
groups do not have similar Fix the agreement mistake
jet-set
income
. It is normal even for rich Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
people
to have financial problems or ups and downs circumstances that create income
gap with other rich communities.
Correct article usage
an income
Secondly
, there is no guarantee that the
Correct article usage
a
similitar
level of earning will Correct your spelling
similar
creates
Change the verb form
create
happier
Correct article usage
a happier
society
. There are still other factors such
as health condition
, values, and Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
government
system. Correct article usage
the government
For example
, people
in North Korea have the
similar level of Correct article usage
a
earning
. Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
However
, there are many of them are not happy. Most of them want to exodus to South Korea.
To conclude
, I think the idea to make
happier Change preposition
of making
society
by ensuring slight
difference in Correct article usage
a slight
income
is not realistic due to
underlying
differences we have. It Correct article usage
the underlying
is
Change the verb form
also has
also
has no guarantee of success. Therefore
I think this
approach will not meet its objective. It is better to have a strong justice and democratic system to unsure
Correct your spelling
ensure
people
are treated equally no matter how rich or how poor they are.Submitted by edna.c.pattisina on
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Grammar
Ensure consistent use of singular and plural forms, i.e., 'ensure small difference' should be 'ensure small differences'.
Task Response
Expand a bit more on the introduction to clarify both perspectives on the topic.
Language Use
Some phrases could be more polished for clarity, e.g., 'jet-sets groups' should be 'jet-set groups'.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear stance that is well-explained throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.
Development of Ideas
Main points are well supported by relevant examples, such as referencing Beverly Hills and North Korea.