IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the hospital admission for five hospitals in a European country from 2004 to 2018.

The graph below shows the hospital admission for five hospitals in a European country from 2004 to 2018.
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The line graph provides information about the weekly hospitalizations for five different hospitals in a European country over 14 years, between 2004 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, four different hospitals experienced
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 upward trend over the period
whereas
Linking Words
 Adlin saw a downward trend between 2004 and 2018.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, the number of
admission
Fix the agreement mistake
admissions
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 in Bardley began
200
Change preposition
at 200
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Use synonyms
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
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 in 2004 and increased steadily until just over 250
admission
Change to a plural noun
admissions
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 in the year 2012. Between 2012 and 2018, the population of
Use synonyms
patient
Add an article
the patient
a patient
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 in Bardley had fluctuation . The biggest rising trend was experienced by Adlin from around 120 to 250
Use synonyms
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
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. In terms of the
Staton’s
Change noun form
Staton
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 the number of
hospitalization
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitalizations
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 started
around
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at around
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 80 and grew slightly
150
Change preposition
to 150
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 between 2004 and 2012.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 year,
happened
Verb problem
there was
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rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 and fall
on
Change preposition
in
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Stanton
Correct article usage
the Stanton
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patient
Use synonyms
 population until in the year 2018. Over the period, the rate of admission in Fortsmith provided a volatility from around 180 to 200
whereas
Linking Words
 there was a significant decrease at Oxley by around 130 admissions.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words patient with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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