IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think it is a better way to leave their home country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Half of the society believes that moving to a new country could lead to having a better life,
whereas
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 the other half rather stay in their native place.
This
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 argument depends on which area you are moving to because if is not as developed as the zone they came from the disadvantages could exceed the advantages. From my own perspective, staying at home can make you happier in general. On the one hand, making the decision to emigrate is hard as you may leave all you know to go to a new place where probably do not have anyone to rely on;
moreover
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, language can be a great barrier to face too.
For instance
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, students who finish their degree at college and want to start working are looking for the best employment they can find and earn as much money as they can so moving from Spain to Canada, even the second is more developed than the
first,
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could be a great option;
nevertheless
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, there are some aspects, like weather, that cannot be provided by
this
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 new city. Canada could have better incomes and opportunities but the reality is that a lot of papers have to be done in order to be able to move in. In my opinion, the job offer should be extremely tentative to do it.
On the other hand
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, remaining in your home could be the easiest option, as having contacts could lead to work opportunities that may satisfy expectations,
however
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, the salary may not be as high as in other places.
For example
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, nowadays in Spain, the minimum wage is not enough to be able to live a luxurious life, notwithstanding the majority of the Spaniards decide to stay in their country because the Spanish lifestyle cannot be found anywhere else. The way I see it is that not moving abroad can
also
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 have many advantages as having family closer and being able to enjoy the area you have been raised in. To summarize, starting a new life is challenging but in some cases could be worth it,
on the contrary
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, deciding not to could be a great option. From my point of view, there is no place like home.

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task achievement
In some parts, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to demonstrate the points made. Consider including more data or personal examples to make your arguments stronger. This can increase the relevance and persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the transition between the arguments is very smooth. While you've done a good job in maintaining coherence, there is room to improve the fluidity between sections, making the essay easier to read and more interconnected.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument comprehensively, and your conclusion reflects a clear stance with a personal opinion. This shows a strong understanding of the topic and helps fulfill the task requirements well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You have adequately supported your main points with explanations.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional growth
  • quality of life
  • stronger economies
  • employment opportunities
  • advancement opportunities
  • emotional bonds
  • cultural ties
  • familiar environment
  • contributing to
  • local economy
  • personal aspirations
  • cultural identity
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