IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments give a lot of support to artist, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued that some
people
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 believe that states should spend money on
artists
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,
while
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 others think it would be wasting of money and can be used anywhere else.
While
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 some
people
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 think that spending cash on
artists
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 will spread the culture all around the world,
such
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 as local songs being famous around the world, I believe that
this
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 fund can be used for public transport and
health
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 services. On the one hand, governments support
artists
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 because art plays a vital role in shaping a nation's identity.
Moreover
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,
artists
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 are the face of the country, and they reflect that culture to the world. By being famous in the social media
such
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 as TikTok and Snapchat.
For example
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, Mohammed Abdu is a famous artist in Saudi Arabia, and he did concerts in France and the UK because of his fame.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 support can be used in much better projects.
On the other hand
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, spending
this
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 cash on public transportation and
health
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 systems is considered well-placed because it benefits all the society
instead
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 of only limited
people
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. Public transportation vehicles
such
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 as buses and metro are being used by all social classes, and it is a requirement for all residents.
For example
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,
according to
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 New York Times magazine, 51% of employees who live in Londen use the underground to shorten their commute and because it is cheaper.
Moreover
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, spending money on the
health
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 system
such
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 as on hospitals will ensure that all patients are getting the right treatment. I believe that all governments should put most of their budget on others rather than
artists
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some say that states should spend their currency on
artists
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 to make their culture more popular, I believe that it could be spent on other services
such
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 as public transportation and the
health
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 system.
Therefore
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, I recommend all governors to provide better public service to its
people
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.

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task achievement
Consider refining sentence structures and correcting minor grammatical inaccuracies to enhance clarity throughout the essay. For instance, ensure that subject-verb agreement and article usage are correct. This will make your point more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure all points are developed evenly. While you can state your opinion, make sure each view is balanced with clear arguments and evidence to fully address both perspectives of the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context of the discussion, outlining both perspectives.
task achievement
The essay offers relevant and specific examples that strengthen the discussion, such as the use of public transportation in London and the fame of Mohammed Abdu.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, and the concluding statement effectively sums up the writer's viewpoint.
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