IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that everyone should be a vegetarian, because we do not need to eat meat to stay healthy . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat
Nowadays, people whose nutrition includes only agricultural products keep with a belief that consuming
meat
 does not allow us to stay healthy.
Although
 the product can provide our bodies with a list of vitamins, there are other chemicals which can lead us to several diseases.
To begin
 with, individuals should include
meat
 in their daily nutrition. it can provide enough amount of both haemoglobin and protein
that is
 the two main chemicals in our blood.
For example
, it is inherent that vegetarians have a low percentage of haemoglobin and other nutrients.
As a result
, they suffer not only from nearly always headaches but
also
 lack of energy.
Thus
 people should consume the cuisine if they want to be healthy.
On the other hand
, there are several drawbacks to foodstuff eating, because of worms.
Due to
 the fact that neither cooking at high temperatures nor processing can kill the worms in
meat
, they will be in our bodies.
As a consequence
: the illnesses which used to belong to an animal’s
meat
 were going through worms into people who ate it. It has shown in their complaint about poor body condition
such
 as stomachache and poor appetite.
Therefore
 there are some cons of food consumption. By taking both sides into account, I believe that if we want to have a healthy life, we will continue to consume
meat
, since the foundation of health is balance in everything which includes not only agricultural products but
also
 the foodstuff. If we eat
this
 product in small portions, we will be able to be in the balance
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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introduction
Your introduction is clear, but it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree with the prompt. This helps set up your essay more effectively.
support
Your main points are relevant, however, they are not fully developed. Consider providing more detailed explanations and examples to support your arguments.
coherence
Ensure all paragraphs are logically connected. Use more linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence
The essay features a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
support
You have provided specific examples, though they could be more detailed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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