IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is argued that our living standards have been levelled up thanks to the help of computers,
while
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 others claim
this
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 technology brings
such
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 detrimental effects to our lives. As I think, I'm completely advocated for the first notion and shall I discuss the grounds for my opinion in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, by using the computer individuals can save time. Computer does the
things
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 that can be inconvenient or stressful,
such
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 as calculations and repeated inserting jobs. Application
such
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 as Exel and Word makes it much easier to do those
things
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.
Thus
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,
People
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 do not have to deal with simple
things
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 that can be annoying
while
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 living their lives.
For instance
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, for school alarm application companies, organising student identification is important because they have to send the notice. So, they use Exel to organize the information rapidly.
Also
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, it connects
people
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 much faster.
People
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 use various meeting applications,
such
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 as Zoom or Skype.
As a result
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, even though someone is far away, it is possible to reach them and talk to them facing their face.
For example
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, 10 years before most
people
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 couldn't see their family outside the country. They had to come back to Korea to see their family members. Some
people
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 in Korea took more than 10 years of 20 years to see their lovers. In conclusion, I think computers develop the quality of our daily life and connect citizens from all over the world because they prevent us from spending a long time on unimportant
things
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 and connect
people
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 from different countries.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and includes an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, to enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, your response addresses the prompt effectively, offering reasons and examples. However, explore each point a bit more deeply and add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This can help in making your ideas clearer and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, try to simplify your sentence structures. Occasionally, complex or lengthy sentences can make your argument less digestible. Break down complicated thoughts into simpler sentences.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the use of Excel and Zoom, is very effective in illustrating your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which ties your essay together nicely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, with clear main points in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Revolutionized
  • Instant access
  • Productivity
  • Streamlining
  • Prolonged use
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Dependency
  • Over-reliance
  • Vulnerability
  • Technical failures
  • Data privacy
  • Cybersecurity threats
  • Identity theft
  • Work-life balance
  • Stress and burnout
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Entertainment options
  • Educational content
  • Staying informed
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