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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

revise---------Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying that
parents
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 undoubtedly want their
children
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 to become successful individuals,
although
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 some tend to apply pressure and high demands along the way.
This
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 essay will explore the causes of
this
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 phenomenon and argue that
this
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 approach is a negative development, as it can lead to stress, reduced self-esteem, and a lack of freedom in willpower.
Parents
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 may have various reasons for imposing pressure on their
children
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's upbringing.
Firstly
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, they may want to ensure their
children
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 avoid the hardships they experienced.
For instance
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, many
parents
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 who struggled in their youth,
such
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 as failing to achieve adequate academic qualifications, often ended up in low-paying jobs.
Consequently
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, they faced financial difficulties and were unable to pursue their dreams.
Secondly
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, parental prestige often drives ambition for their descendants to excel in certain fields. To exemplify, during family gatherings, they usually share stories of their child's achievements. In
such
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 situations,
parents
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 without accomplishments to showcase may feel ashamed, leading them to push their sons or daughters to surpass everyone in specific areas.
However
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,
this
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 practice can negatively impact a youth's growth, particularly their mental health.
For example
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, if a child
pressured
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is pressured
show examples
 to excel in academics
while
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 their interests lie in sports, they may feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with the demands.
This
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 pressure can cause them to work under duress, ultimately leading to stress.
Furthermore
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, they may lose confidence in their abilities and feel unsatisfied with their accomplishments, as they are constantly driven by their
parents
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' expectations rather than their own desires. In conclusion,
this
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 issue arises because of
parents
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' past hardships and their desire to maintain social prestige, and most importantly,it significantly impacts
children
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's psychological well-being.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supporting arguments to enhance logical structure.
task achievement
Develop a stronger connection between parental pressure and its negative impacts, possibly by expanding on examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples, such as family gatherings and academic pressures, which add depth to the arguments presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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