Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years

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Education

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is one of the most important factors in determining

people

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life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Some countries are enacting mandatory

education

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programs for young

people

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under 18 years old. In

this

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essay, I will elaborate on why

this

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measurement is a good policy.

Firstly

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, a required full-time school program for the younger generation could increase the quality of

people

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overall

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in the future. From

this

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process, young

people

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could learn basic skills they need,

such

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as literacy and numeracy skills.

For instance

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, Indonesia has experienced an increase in literacy and numeracy scores since the

government

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enacted the nine-year mandatory school policy,

thus

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increasing their human development index

as a result

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Secondly

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this

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program could

also

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lead the

government

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to provide basic

education

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for all

people

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, by making it more accessible. Since the

government

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make it mandatory for teenagers to enrol in educational institutions, it is

also

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required for them to make sure that access to these services is wide enough for all

people

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with various socio-economic backgrounds.

Therefore

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, the

government

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has the duty to provide the services in the best possible way, either by building state schools or adjusting the tuition fees in private schools.

For example

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, the

government

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of Indonesia ensures that elementary and middle

education

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is free of charge in state-owned schools when in order to encourage young

people

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to study in school. In conclusion, I do agree that young

people

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below 18 years should pursue a full-time

education

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and make it mandatory. The increase in human quality and access to basic

education

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are the benefits that could come from

this

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measure.

Submitted by rhisaaidilla on Tue Jan 07 2025

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical flow of ideas.

task achievement

While your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, consider adding more depth to your arguments and examples for a stronger task response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively present your stance on the topic.

task achievement

You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the case of Indonesia, which supports the main points of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fundamental cornerstone
literacy and numeracy
social inequalities
foundation of knowledge
social mobility
informed and engaged citizenry
democratic processes
youth crime rates
productive activities
vocational training
workforce
stifling individual talent
economic contribution
stress and mental health issues
unsuitable educational system
one-size-fits-all approach
diverse talents
career paths
formal academic education
financial strains
low-income countries
improving quality of education

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Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The floor plan shows changes made to a home during a 6-month period.

Some people think that modern tecchnology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?