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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and enginners, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe that they should be free to work in another country if they want to do so. discuss both perspectives and present opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #enginners #work #country #perspectives
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Some people assert that experts,
such
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 as electricians and programmers, should be mandated to
work
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 in the country where they received their education.
On the other hand
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, others contend that society should permit them to
work
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 in another country if they desire.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and conclude with my personal thoughts. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting the former notion is that if the government were to permit professionals to
work
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 abroad, it could pose a risk of brain drain, which can become a major concern in impoverished
countries
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.
This
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 is because high-skilled
individuals
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 would be more likely to relocate to pursue greater financial benefits, leading to a lack of educated personnel.
This
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 phenomenon can degrade various aspects of development in these areas,
such
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 as
technology
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 and infrastructure.
Hence
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, it is vital to secure a sufficient number of these professionals to enhance social advancement. Despite the benefits of the former perspective, one significant advantage of the latter is that allowing professionals in developing
countries
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 to
work
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 abroad exposes them to advanced
technology
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 and business practices in
developed
Change the form of the verb
developing
show examples
countries
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, which can play a pivotal role in broadening their horizons.
For example
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, nowadays, many
individuals
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 from South Asia have engaged in the automotive industry in Japan,
such
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 as at Toyota and Honda. One of the primary objectives for
this
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 engagement is to acquire state-of-the-art
technology
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 regarding vehicle manufacturing and to transfer that knowledge to their home
countries
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, which helps foster
overall
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 advancement in
technology
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 there.
Therefore
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, allowing
this
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 freedom can empower
individuals
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 to attain valuable competencies. In conclusion,
while
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 obligating skilled
individuals
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 to stay in their home country is beneficial for national social advancement, offering them the freedom to
work
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 abroad has the potential to develop various aspects in developing
countries
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.
Thus
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, in my view, nations, especially impoverished ones, should provide
this
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 freedom to some extent, which will contribute to
further
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 advancements in the long run.
Submitted by kurosaku5857 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
Maintain consistency in terminology used for professionals by aligning the introduction with the main body (e.g., 'doctors' and 'engineers' instead of 'electricians' and 'programmers').
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Logical development with clearly separated perspectives.
task achievement
Analyzes significant concepts like brain drain and technology sharing.
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