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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Nowadays, young individuals are raised to believe that if they
work
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 hard, they can achieve anything they want.
While
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 there are some drawbacks associated with teaching hard
work
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 to
children
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, I believe the main benefits are more substantial.
This
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 essay will discuss the positives and negatives of
this
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 approach. On the one hand, the potential disadvantages of
this
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 strategy may be that some
children
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 have limits on how much they can comprehend and focus on subjects.
For instance
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, if they fail to understand mathematics, it may be difficult for them to succeed in the architectural profession.
Hence
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, if parents keep pushing them to study in that field,
children
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 may feel frustrated. Another perceived negative is that forcing
children
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 to
work
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 hard may lead to bad relationships with their parents.
Therefore
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, mothers and fathers need to understand the abilities of their
children
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 and encourage them to use those abilities in their lives.
On the other hand
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, a primary advantage of teaching youngsters to try hard may be to encourage them to study hard so that they can follow their dreams.
For example
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, in countries like Japan and China, students are encouraged to prepare as much as possible to score good grades to get lucrative job opportunities from their dream companies in the future. A
further
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 benefit is that a lack of goals and dreams leads to inappropriate personal and professional growth. Young people may turn to crime if they don't have a special goal and
work
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 hard for it. So it is the responsibility of both parents and teachers to motivate their
children
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 to put in extra effort
while
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 studying. On balance, encouraging
children
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 to
work
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 hard to be successful would indeed seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
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, in my view, its positive effects in terms of they are more likely to accomplish their goals and better personal growth override the disadvantages.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating on specific examples to provide a more comprehensive understanding of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to improve the flow of your writing and enhance coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument to strengthen the overall argumentation of your essay.
Task Achievement
Effective introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your perspective.
Task Achievement
Good use of relevant examples to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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