IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and grap below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where releavant.

The table and grap below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where releavant.
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The charts show
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of audiences who visited
Use synonyms
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
 in Auckland between 1995 and 2003,
as well as
Linking Words
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
cinema
Use synonyms
 visitors beyond
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 increased steadily over
9-year
Add an article
a 9-year
the 9-year
show examples
 period,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
cinema
Use synonyms
visits
Use synonyms
 declined over the same period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of 14 to
24
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
years
Use synonyms
 old
cinema
Use synonyms
 visitors was the most than the
number
Use synonyms
 of other age groups. Looking at all
ages
Change noun form
age's
ages'
show examples
 average numbers in more detail, the proportion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who visit
show examples
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the movie
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 rose significantly from 67% in 1995 to 80% in 2001, followed by a slight decline
72
Change preposition
in 72
show examples
% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 who visited
Add an article
the theater
show examples
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 in 2003.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
cinema
Use synonyms
visits
Use synonyms
 showed fluctuation between 7.3
times
Use synonyms
 and 11.2
times
Use synonyms
, illustrating 7.3
visits
Use synonyms
 in 1999 was the least and 11.2
visits
Use synonyms
 in 1993 was the most. Regarding different age groups, the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
cinema
Use synonyms
visits
Use synonyms
 showed
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 fluctuation between 8
times
Use synonyms
 to 11
times
Use synonyms
, with all ages, followed by in order over the whole period, 14 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old visited the most, next 25 to 34
years
Use synonyms
 old, and 35 to 49
years
Use synonyms
 old,
finally
Linking Words
 over 50
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, cinema, visits, years, times with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • paraphrase
  • data
  • period
  • general trend
  • fluctuations
  • detailed analysis
  • notable
  • increases
  • decreases
  • comparison
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • gradual
  • spikes
  • stability
  • correlating
  • seasonal trends
  • significant
  • cinema-going habits
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