People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think that ageing population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. Discuss both views and give your own option.

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At
this
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time, more and more
people
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are living life longer. Some
people
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argue that it is the reason for big
problems
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.
While
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others think that it benefits for state government and the community in general.
This
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essay will delve into the phenomenon by supporting relevant examples and insights.
On the other hand
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, when the public lives alone, they will suffer from more diseases,
such
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as pain in their bones, heart
problems
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, and suffer from eye
problems
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.
Moreover
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, all of these diseases generally affect the elderly because of their immune deficiency.
For instance
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, my grandmother is older in age; she suffers from all those
problems
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. So l feel that age affects another problem rather than l mentioning it first.
However
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, the advantages of older
people
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are,
first,
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they have good
experience
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in life. So that can be used in the development of the society and nation. In more detail, they have
experience
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in the treatment of some diseases by natural tools,
thus
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, the
experience
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can be used in the health sector in developing some of the medicines. A study published at the University of Nizwa concluded that 90% of elderly persons with
experience
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in pharmaceuticals. In conclusion, I believe that we should use the experiences of those
people
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to improve the nation.
Furthermore
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, the government should respect older
people
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and give them good services that can help them to live a better life. The outcomes of
this
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phenomenon are not limited to the government but
also
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to the community in general

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task achievement
Clarify the main arguments in your introduction to give the reader a better understanding of the discussion points.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and maintains a clear focus on the specific point being discussed.
task achievement
Provide more examples and details to support your claims; they should resonate with the context.
content
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is essential for a discussion-type essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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