Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and gove your opinion

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In
this
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technology savvy
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technology-savvy

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world, there are disputed opinions regarding
creativity
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. Towards, where some are at the
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view point
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viewpoint

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that watching television and
movies
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can enhance
cognitive
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the cognitive

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skills of toddlers;
whereas
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others
believes
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believe

The singular verb believes does not appear to agree with the plural subject others. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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that it can alleviate their
intelligencey
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intelligence

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.
Therefore
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, before commenting on my opinion, both
the
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apply

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sides are elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs. On the one hand, there are a plethora of reasons for fostering
creativity
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with
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in

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various
cinema
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cinemas

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. One of the most prominent is that they can explore genres
Correct word choice
and culture
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culture
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cultures

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. To elaborate
this
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, if they will watch
movies
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in order to get enjoyment, which would not only be healthy for their mental growth but
also
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it will ameliorate their mood as most of the
movies
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are having
Wrong verb form
have

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information regarding various parts of the world
as well as
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about the arts.
For example
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, one research explained that the adults who are watching
movies
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are more intelligent in terms of good memory, bright ideas and so on.
On the other hand
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, those who stand by the latter
view
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have their own claims.
To begin
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with, because of the advancement of technology, there are ample options for films
such
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as
story
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stories

It seems that story may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of history, art,
game
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games

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, fun, love,
thriller
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thrillers

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and so on;
however
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, an increasing number of people are choosing to watch
film
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films

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from which they can get entertainment.
Additionally
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, they will utilize
significant
Add an article
a significant

The noun phrase significant amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount of their time
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

watching funny
movies
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and in return they will alleviate their
creativity
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as in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds

It appears that the plural demonstrative these is modifying the singular noun kind. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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of
movies
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there will be no productive information.
According to
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them, only going to school and
paricipate
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participate

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in art events can only
fruitful
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be fruitful

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for enhancing their
creativity
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.
To conclude
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and offer my position, it is evident that both
the
Correct article usage
apply

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views have their own importance.
However
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, I firmly support the former
view
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rather than
latter
Correct article usage
the latter

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view
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because
with
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by

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watching video any kid can learn and
remeber
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remember

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faster.

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task achievement
Clarify and refine your thesis statement to make your position clearer from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical connection between your ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments and enhance the relevance of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos.
task achievement
You effectively introduced the topic and provided both perspectives on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of the two views, which reflects critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • innovation
  • cognitive development
  • creative faculties
  • educational content
  • storytelling
  • narrative structure
  • passive consumption
  • overstimulation
  • active playtime
  • realistic scenarios
  • screen time
  • media exposure
  • holistic development
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