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Band 6

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. Summarize key informationa ndn make comparisons where relavent.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. Summarize key informationa ndn make comparisons where relavent.
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The bar
chart
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 illustrates the average use of
health
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Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 per month in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017,
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
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 depicts the
age
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 profile of men and women members of
this
Linking Words
health
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club
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable from the bar
chart
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 that in Miami and Florida, over the year, men used the
health
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club
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 more than women, and the use of
health
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Use synonyms
club
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clubs
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 experienced a gradual increase followed by a decrease.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young people
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 the
health
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club
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 more than elderly people.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar graph, in January, around 500 females used
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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club
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, and approximately 580 males used the
health
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club
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. These two numbers rose gradually and in June, roughly 700 females used the
health
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club
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, and more than 800 males used the
health
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club
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in July and August, the numbers remained almost equal and stable and more than 700 females and more than 800 males used the
health
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club
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 respectively. After that, the figure started to decline and in December, approximately 500 women and about 600 men used the
health
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club
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
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, 55% of
male
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males
show examples
,
age
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 range of 21-45 used the
health
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club
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,
while
Linking Words
 50% of
female
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females
show examples
age
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 range of 21-45 used the
health
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club
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only 20% of
male
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males
show examples
 and 19% of
female
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females
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 of other
age
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group
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groups
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 attended the
health
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club
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. In terms of the
age
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 range of 65 and more, 25% of
male
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males
show examples
 and 31% of
female
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females
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 respectively used the
health
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club
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, health, club, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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