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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that to lead a successful life, a university degree is important. Others believe that this is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, some people argue that to guarantee a stable income source in the future to pass
university
Use synonyms
 is responsible.
However
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 , other folks believe that in modern life there are a lot of other ways to have
success
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 . In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, a
university
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degree
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 is widely regarded as a fundamental factor in securing professional
success
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.
Firstly
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, higher education equips
individuals
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 with specialized knowledge and technical expertise, which enhances employability and career progression.
For instance
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, fields
such
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 as medicine, law, and engineering necessitate formal academic training, as they require in-depth theoretical understanding and practical application.
Moreover
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, universities cultivate essential skills
such
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 as critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and problem-solving, which are invaluable in professional settings.
Additionally
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,
degree
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 holders generally have access to superior job opportunities and higher earning potential, as many employers prioritize candidates with formal qualifications.
On the other hand
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, an increasing number of people contend that a
university
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degree
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 is no longer a prerequisite for
success
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 in today’s evolving job market. The digital revolution and the rise of the gig economy have enabled
individuals
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 to acquire marketable skills through online platforms, self-learning, and real-world experience.
For example
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, prominent entrepreneurs
such
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 as Steve Jobs and Elon Musk have demonstrated that innovation, resilience, and strategic thinking can lead to extraordinary accomplishments without traditional academic credentials.
Furthermore
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, vocational training and apprenticeships offer hands-on experience that aligns directly with industry demands, allowing
individuals
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 to enter the workforce with practical expertise rather than theoretical knowledge. From my perspective,
while
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 a
university
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degree
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 provides a structured and advantageous route to
success
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, it is not the sole determinant.
Success
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 is inherently subjective, varying based on individual aspirations, career choices, and personal circumstances. In many cases, adaptability, perseverance, and lifelong learning play a more significant role in achieving one’s goals than formal education alone. In conclusion,
although
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 a
university
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degree
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 significantly enhances career prospects and skill development, it is not the only avenue to
success
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. In the contemporary era,
individuals
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 can attain
success
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 through diverse means, including entrepreneurship, vocational training, and self-directed learning.
Therefore
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, society should move beyond the traditional notion that higher education is a necessity and
instead
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 recognize the multiple pathways to
success
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 that cater to different talents and ambitions.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views along with the candidate's opinion. However, try to provide even more detailed examples to support points made, especially from the non-degree perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and logical flow from one idea to the next. To improve coherence, consider using more connectives or transitional phrases within paragraphs for smoother transitions.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. You might enhance the introduction by briefly stating the importance of the debate at the start to engage the reader further.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Well-developed paragraphs that articulate clear points, with relevant terminology and sophisticated sentence structures.
task achievement
Good use of examples, particularly from well-known entrepreneurs, to illustrate points about alternative paths to success.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • benchmark
  • evolving landscape
  • credential
  • vocational training
  • entrepreneurship
  • digital literacy
  • autodidact
  • innovative approaches
  • skill set
  • networking
  • lifelong learning
  • meritocracy
  • practical experience
  • self-taught
  • upskilling
  • resilience
  • adaptive learning
  • critical thinking
  • soft skills
  • technological advancements
What to do next:
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