As society changes, more and more people do not want to stay in one career or job. Many people change their careers and jobs. What is the cause of this phenomenon? Can you give some suggestions to solve this problem?

There is a current trend of moving from one company to another every 2-3 years in young employees. In my point of view, I believe that
this
phenomenon was caused by the organisation's payment and
promotion
policy, which discourages the workers from staying for longer terms.
This
essay will
also
mention some pieces of advice on managing
this
issue.
To begin
, there is a significant difference in a raise per year in salary compared to the offer for the new hires,
thus
the old employees choose to find a new job in order to boost their income to match the payroll in another company or even higher.
For example
, there is a survey that concluded that people who change jobs frequently earn more than loyal workers who stay in one place for approximately 30%,
along with
more opportunities for promotions. In terms of
promotion
, some organisations are promoted based on seniority, which the young generation finds unfair and results in resigning.
Consequently
, in order to decrease the rate of quitting, businesses need to revise their payment ladder,
also
the
promotion
policy to be based on performance. There should be an increase in raise increment per year. As the inflation rate keeps increasing every year, the income should
also
be able to catch up with the increased cost of living.
Furthermore
, the promotions should be assessed based on performance and relevant experience, which the company
also
benefits from their increasing competitiveness and productivity among the candidates. In conclusion, the problem of a high turnover rate in businesses could potentially come from the unfairness in salary raises and promotions. The increase in pay raises and performance-based assessment for
promotion
may decrease the resigning of the young workers.
Submitted by pimpisut.sata on

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task achievement
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task achievement
While the essay has clear and comprehensive ideas, try to expand the arguments a bit more for further depth.
task achievement
Consider providing additional real-life examples or statistical citations to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to maintain logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the connections between the arguments and the solutions proposed for a clearer logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with examples and logical reasoning.
task achievement
The task response addresses both the cause of the phenomenon and provides suggestions for solving the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career transition
  • job mobility
  • dynamic job market
  • work-life balance
  • obsolescence
  • workspace flexibility
  • skill development
  • lifelong learning
  • burnout
  • entrepreneurship
  • job satisfaction
  • career counseling
  • job security
  • technological advancements
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