IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums and art galleries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Due to
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 the globalized world, more and more
information
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 is accessible on the Internet, and some believe that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 are losing their necessity. I absolutely agree that people can find historical and cultural
information
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 online.
However
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, I believe that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 are still essential for society. First of all,
information
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 on the Internet is not always accurate because anyone can edit it with just a few clicks.
On the other hand
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, many governments and non-governmental organizations have official websites where people can find reliable
information
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.
Nevertheless
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, users often struggle to find useful and well-structured facts about cultural and historical heritage. To avoid misinformation,
museums
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 and archives have professional guides who provide visitors with verified knowledge.
Furthermore
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, I strongly support visiting
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 because of the unique atmosphere they offer. These places preserve cultural and historical traditions in great detail.
For example
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, the Abay Kunanbayev Museum, located in Semey, East Kazakhstan, is divided into multiple rooms, each representing a significant period of the outstanding Kazakh poet’s life. The museum contains his personal belongings, including his seal, workspace, and even clothes.
Moreover
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, modern
museums
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 integrate technological advancements. In the Abay Kunanbayev Museum, each room is accompanied by the poet’s music, and all
information
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 is available in three languages: Kazakh, Russian, and English.
This
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 creates an immersive experience for both local citizens and foreign visitors. In conclusion,
although
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 online platforms provide access to cultural and historical
information
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, I firmly believe that visiting
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 offers an irreplaceable experience that allows people to connect with history in a meaningful way.

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task achievement
Ensure that all points are clearly and comprehensively developed. While you have strong ideas, make sure to add transitions that guide the reader through your arguments more fluidly.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding further elaboration in your introduction to clarify your stance and the significance of the topic. A stronger thesis statement may enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, use more varied cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs. This will help the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging the online availability of information while effectively arguing for the significance of museums and galleries. This demonstrates good critical thinking.
task achievement
Strong examples, such as the Abay Kunanbayev Museum, enrich your argument and illustrate your points well. This adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • hands-on experience
  • interactive exhibits
  • preservation
  • cultural and historical artifacts
  • safeguarded
  • community engagement
  • heritage
  • authenticity
  • curated exhibits
  • scholarly input
  • misinformation
  • economic impact
  • tourism
  • emotional and aesthetic responses
  • atmosphere
  • ambiance
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