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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Expert say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with their family and friends, whereas, now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

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In the past, we can see most
people
Use synonyms
 had good lifestyles and they are a happy and healthy population owing to the fact that they spent their
time
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 on exercise, family and
friends
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while
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 these days, a number of the
people
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 who are alone and have health issues are climbed.
This
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 essay discusses the main reasons for
this
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 matter and how can we solve it.
This
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 problem like others has several things that make it like
technology
Use synonyms
 development and working more than previous. On the one side,
technology
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 has been developing really fast and our lives have been easier in the prior;
however
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, we spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 with technological gadgets and less
time
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 going out with our families and
friends
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.
In other words
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, in the past, communities who wanted to watch movies went to the cinema with their either family or
friends
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, yet today, they watch movies with their PCs, laptops, and so on. On the other side, currently, the cities are becoming larger and
people
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 working more than previous
people
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due to
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 the fact that they want more money;
as a result
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, they do not have a
lot
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 of
time
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 for exercising or other healthy work. Fortunately,
this
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 question like others has several solutions
such
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 as government laws and using
technology
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 for communication with others.
Firstly
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, it is important that authorities make a plan that no one has more than the number of MBAs and when their MBAs are more than the figures they must pay taxes;
therefore
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,
people
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 spend their leisure
time
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 doing sports and they eat fresh food
instead
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 of junk food.
Secondly
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, I advise that global inhabitants utilize communications apps a
lot
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 to speak with their families and they waste
time
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 on video calls with their families and
friends
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.
To sum up
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, nowadays,
technology
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 and new devices help us to have a good life;
nevertheless
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, they have a
lot
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 of demerits
such
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 as working a
lot
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 or less free
time
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, but not only governments but
also
Linking Words
 international inhabitants should alter their position.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically between paragraphs.
task
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
general
Proofread your essay for grammar and vocabulary accuracy. Small errors can distract the reader and impact the clarity of your ideas.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.
task
You have addressed the prompt and provided both causes and solutions, which demonstrates a complete response to the task.
structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, providing a sense of closure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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