IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Expert say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with their family and friends, whereas, now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

#expert #people #exercise #time #friends #loneliness #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past, we can see most
people
Use synonyms
 had good lifestyles and they are a happy and healthy population owing to the fact that they spent their
time
Use synonyms
 on exercise, family and
friends
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 these days, a number of the
people
Use synonyms
 who are alone and have health issues are climbed.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 matter and how can we solve it.
This
Linking Words
 problem like others has several things that make it like
technology
Use synonyms
 development and working more than previous. On the one side,
technology
Use synonyms
 has been developing really fast and our lives have been easier in the prior;
however
Linking Words
, we spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 with technological gadgets and less
time
Use synonyms
 going out with our families and
friends
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, in the past, communities who wanted to watch movies went to the cinema with their either family or
friends
Use synonyms
, yet today, they watch movies with their PCs, laptops, and so on. On the other side, currently, the cities are becoming larger and
people
Use synonyms
 working more than previous
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they want more money;
as a result
Linking Words
, they do not have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 for exercising or other healthy work. Fortunately,
this
Linking Words
 question like others has several solutions
such
Linking Words
 as government laws and using
technology
Use synonyms
 for communication with others.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is important that authorities make a plan that no one has more than the number of MBAs and when their MBAs are more than the figures they must pay taxes;
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 doing sports and they eat fresh food
instead
Linking Words
 of junk food.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I advise that global inhabitants utilize communications apps a
lot
Use synonyms
 to speak with their families and they waste
time
Use synonyms
 on video calls with their families and
friends
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, nowadays,
technology
Use synonyms
 and new devices help us to have a good life;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, they have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of demerits
such
Linking Words
 as working a
lot
Use synonyms
 or less free
time
Use synonyms
, but not only governments but
also
Linking Words
 international inhabitants should alter their position.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically between paragraphs.
task
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
general
Proofread your essay for grammar and vocabulary accuracy. Small errors can distract the reader and impact the clarity of your ideas.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas in an organized manner.
task
You have addressed the prompt and provided both causes and solutions, which demonstrates a complete response to the task.
structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, providing a sense of closure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: