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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Although
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 some teachers and parents think that their kids engaging in physical education (
PE
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)
classes
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 are not worth it, some populations are convinced that
PE
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courses
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 are the most important part of education. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and share my perspective. Some educators who teach core curricula,
such
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 as linguistics, mathematics, or physics, believe that
PE
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 class can be removed from student's schedules because these
courses
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 would be time-consuming and cause budget issues.
For example
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,
students
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 who finished a swimming class needed to take some time to change their clothes, which caused them might be late for the next course.
This
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 situation would lead
students
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 to miss some important information the teacher taught, thereby spending extra time, which could be utilized to review the content introduced at lectures
,
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apply
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 and ask the instructors after
classes
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.
In addition
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, from the school's perspective, it is crucial to update and maintain the equipment used in
PE
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courses
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 to provide a suitable and safe environment to
students
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, which can prevent participants from serious injuries,
such
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 as spraining or bruises.
However
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, it is difficult for some educational institutions which are in a poor economic state.
As a result
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, the faculties in these schools would want to reduce the number of
PE
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classes
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. Despite these issues, children can obtain a lot of benefits from these kinds of
courses
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.
For instance
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, engaging in exercises,
such
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 as basketball, track-and-field, or tennis, can improve their physiological health, like cardiovascular fitness and muscular quality.
Such
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 improvement can reduce the risks of various diseases, including heart attack, diabetes, and obesity.
Also
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, playing sports benefits the psychological condition as well.
In other words
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, with the lactate acid released from working for muscle groups during exercises, attenders' cognitive function will be facilitated, thereby improving the productivity during following lectures.
Therefore
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, I encourage teenagers who are studying to participate in a range of sports, which play a critical role in learning more efficiently. In conclusion, even if
PE
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classes
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 are considered a dispensable part of the school,
students
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 can get a lot of benefits, on both physical and mental levels, from participating in diverse sports
courses
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 regularly.
Therefore
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, I fully recommend that educators should encourage their
students
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 to commit to
PE
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 lectures.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear and presents the topic well. However, providing a brief outline of your main arguments could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your body paragraphs are generally coherent, but there could be smoother transitions between ideas. For example, explicitly connecting the disadvantages of PE with the advantages could strengthen your comparison.
task achievement
In the conclusion, reiterate your key points more explicitly to reinforce your argument. Mention the main benefits of PE briefly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples and detailed explanations of the benefits of physical education.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical fitness
  • Holistic development
  • Cognitive function
  • Teamwork
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Extracurricular
  • Academic achievement
  • Resource allocation
  • Curriculum
  • Inequality in opportunities
  • Life skills
  • Well-rounded education
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