IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People were happier in previous generations compared to now. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 happiness is a broad topic with several definitions and changes for each individual
according to
Linking Words
 circumstances, I believe people of the older era were happier compared to the present era. Individuals earlier were closely knit into the community to which they belonged. They prioritized relations over all other things.
This
Linking Words
 was
also
Linking Words
 because of less use of technology. They did not have access to mobile phones and the only way to get in touch with friends and relatives was through physical interaction. They made it a priority to attend any social gatherings or family meetups to learn about each other's well-being.
This
Linking Words
 is not the scenario nowadays. Mostly children and teenagers, spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on electronic gadgets and find excuses to skip social events. Even if they are at a gathering, they are glued to their mobile phones and do not spend
time
Use synonyms
 talking to one another or getting to know new people. Older generations
also
Linking Words
 spent a content life without having a lot of possessions.
Although
Linking Words
 they had fewer materialistic possessions, they often experienced greater prosperity in terms of social bonds.
This
Linking Words
 was because of less pressure to be extremely successful in life and have more than what is needed.
While
Linking Words
 the income in the household was just enough to provide for necessary expenses, families spent a lot of quality
time
Use synonyms
 together.
This
Linking Words
 is not the scenario today. Families fall under peer pressure and buy things they cannot afford.
While
Linking Words
 a small house, food and clothes were enough earlier, humans nowadays need lavish houses, expensive mobile phones, and branded clothes to stand out in society.
While
Linking Words
 striving to fulfil these needs, they usually overburden themselves with loans. To pay off these debts on
time
Use synonyms
, they prioritise working day and night and do not give much
time
Use synonyms
 to family.
This
Linking Words
 in return does hamper their work-life balance and happiness. In conclusion, having a strong family bond and spending
time
Use synonyms
 at social events gives individuals a break from their routine and having regular breaks elevates your mood and happiness.
While
Linking Words
 we try to live a lavish life nowadays, we forget to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with one another and are constantly stressed about work. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 people in older generations did face some problems, they lived happily and content, without stress about clearing debts and standing out in society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in relation to the impact of technology on relationships and social interactions.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, ensure each paragraph stays focused on one main idea which is clearly articulated in the first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the overall readability and engagement of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the topic, making your position evident from the start, which is a strong aspect of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You've effectively used comparative phrases to draw connections between the past and present, which enhances the coherence of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: