IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree?

#personalities #genes #character #traits
Some individuals argue that our
genes
 play a vital role in shaping one's
personality
, and
this
influence
 remains unalterable throughout life. Personally, I disagree with the idea, as there are undeniable factors,
such
 as family and social environment, which exert a more profound and lasting
influence
 than
genes
.
Firstly
, in contemporary research, scholars widely agree on the scientific evidence indicating that a child inherits only a mere 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their parent’s
personality
 through
genes
.
Moreover
, it often takes place during pregnancy, where the mother’s health condition and lifestyle have an indirect yet crucial impact on the child’s future characteristics.
Therefore
, experts strongly encourage pregnant women to consider their diet and mental well-being. Another crucial factor to consider is the environmental
influence
 at both family and societal levels. A recent survey by Harvard University reveals that 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of a child's
personality
 and perspective are shaped by family upbringings by the age of 5.
This
 research
also
 emphasizes the significance of parental contributions that may significantly
influence
 the development of both negative and positive
personality
 traits.
Furthermore
, there is widespread agreement that social environments, including interactions with teachers and peers, substantially impact a child's behaviour once they reach school age. Especially during adolescence, when hormonal changes are prevalent, teenagers are particularly susceptible to
influence
Add an article
the influence
show examples
 of their social community.
To conclude
, despite some arguments suggesting that
genes
 predetermine an individual’s
personality
, it is evident that
personality
 is founded during pregnancy and fully shaped by the environment in the early stages of life.
Submitted by zayashdee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates good structure, there's room for improvement in the clarity of certain points. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that's further elaborated with examples or details.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, however, try to ensure your concluding statement clearly reflects the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Your essay covers the task well, yet it would benefit from more specific examples to support your ideas and strengthen the argument. Also, ensure that all parts of the task are equally addressed to achieve a higher score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: