IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some coutries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that youngsters take a rest from school to start work or study
in
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at
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 university. It is undeniable that a
gap
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year
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 is an essential part of a student's life.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement as some people find it beneficial,
while
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 others consider it harmful and unnecessary. Surely, there are both pros and cons to
this
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, but I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main positives of a
gap
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year
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 is that helps students to relax from complicated tasks at school and their heads are loaded which is harmful to
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
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.
For instance
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, young humans can build your daily routine that will be useful in the future. They are used to going to bed late which impacts their healthy lifestyle. A
gap
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year
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 assists in restoring yourself and preparing yourself for future toughs. Another advantage is that a
gap
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year
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 allows one to travel around the world. It develops yourself and expands your knowledge. Travelling to China can give you experience with technology that could become useful in your future work.
On the other hand
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, a
gap
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year
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 can be dangerous for students. When they are travelling around the world can catch an infection.
For example
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, In some countries not having hygiene increases the risk of death. Young people can ruin your face and will appear acne that spoils their beauty. Another major advantage is that when they are getting a job in other countries can face bullying that influences their life. In conclusion, I believe that a
gap
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year
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 is beneficial and it has opportunities
such
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 as experience, knowledge and refreshment.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating the pros and cons of a gap year, this will help in setting the stage for the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
There are some logical gaps in reasoning. For instance, the statement about young people getting acne is not well-connected to the overall argument about the advantages and disadvantages of a gap year.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in verb tense and make sure that the pronouns used (such as 'your' vs. 'one') are consistent to avoid confusion.
task achievement
The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages of a gap year, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
The writer expresses a clear opinion that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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