IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

“Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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It has become increasingly common to introduce unpaid community services among young
children
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.
Although
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, it has not been made compulsory yet. Some people think that it should be made obligatory.
According to
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 my point of view,
this
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 notion must be encouraged
due to
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 countless reasons.
Firstly
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, nowadays schools are introducing some charity-related activities in their organizations.
This
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 is a positive aspect and develops a sense of kindness among the
kids
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. It is believed that
children
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 develop habits the way they are brought up and trained. So, indulging them in activities like fundraising for some special cause e.g. cancer and thalassemia patients. When they work without their personal benefit, It enhances sympathy and harmony among them for their nation.
Kids
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 should
also
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 be trained to keep their environment clean and
this
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 step should be primarily initiated by parents. Parents must restrict their
kids
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 to keep their rooms clean. They should
also
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 involve them in cleaning their residential surroundings by making "
Kids
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 Cleaning Squads". It will develop enthusiasm in them .
In addition
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 to
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
 services,
Children
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 should
also
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 learn new sports during their early childhood. Because a healthy body contains a healthy mind. It should be made compulsory for
children
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 to learn different games like swimming, badminton , racing and any other activity of their own choice.
This
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 will reduce stress,
along with
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 making
kids
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 more active and energetic.
For instance
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,
according to
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Lenskirt
Change noun form
Lenskirt's
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 report, it is observed that in China there are group dance activities to make
kids
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 learn discipline. That's why they are considered
as
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apply
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the most disciplined and hard-working nation in the world. Keeping in view all these examples there are myriad benefits of making unpaid community services compulsory so that we can train our
children
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 to become good as a nation.

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task achievement
The introduction could include a clearer thesis statement outlining your stance on the issue. Make it explicit whether you completely agree, disagree, or have a nuanced viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied cohesive devices to link your ideas smoothly. This would improve the overall flow and clarity of your writing.
task achievement
Make sure to support each main point with relevant examples or elaboration to enhance the richness of your arguments. For instance, provide more detail on the benefits of community service or specific examples of impactful activities.
content
The essay contains relevant points regarding community service and its benefits for students, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Community service
  • Charity
  • Civic engagement
  • Empathy
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Extracurricular commitments
  • Skill development
  • Real-world skills
  • Diversity
  • Perspectives
  • Exposure
  • Electives
  • Volunteerism
  • Responsibility
  • Mandatory participation
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