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Writing Samples
Band 7

Toipc 15: Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situation by others in the same age. This called ‘Peer Pressure’. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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It is true that youngsters have to face peer
pressure
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 from their age mates in terms of behaviour and other conditions related to life. I firmly opine that its advantages overlap with its disadvantages. To commence with, there are some disadvantages that teenage age can easily fall into social evils. They do not have the tendency to know the consequences of any situation. They just watch other friends and learn their bad habits from them and after that, they find it interesting and do it in the same way.
For example
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: one of my friends, lived with bad company and with the
pressure
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 of that guy she started to follow them.
Further
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 shifting towards the advantages, in many ways peer
pressure
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 becomes proves it is a good thing. When children see the other students in the class who are intelligent and always get awarded by the school and get gifts from their parents,
then
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 weak students
also
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 want the same position because they can imagine the situation and with their hard work, they achieve the desired grades.
For instance
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:in a survey conducted by Oxford University in Canada, children with normal abilities could make great efforts and achieve A grades in the class.
Moreover
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, children can boost their confidence with the help of other friends, and they can make anything possible if they are living in a good friend's company.
Hence
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, if they are influenced by good people
then
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 they can make their future bright and feel proud. In conclusion,
although
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 peer
pressure
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 is not adverse in many situations yet, it can change our lives if we want to achieve anything .

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer structure in your essay, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure each point is fully developed. For example, although you mention peer pressure as a disadvantage, you could elaborate more on specific negative outcomes.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and punctuation. This can enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, indicating that you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is good for task response.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, such as the personal example of a friend and the survey from Oxford University, which helps support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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