IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty. Others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

So worrisome has the issue of crime become that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is a result of the natural badness characteristic of a person. Meanwhile, others assert that crime is an effect of destitution and social challenges. There are strong arguments on both sides,
however
Linking Words
, which I will elaborate on below. Regarding criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 provoked by
people
Use synonyms
's negative character, supporters of
this
Linking Words
 view say that it is true that
people
Use synonyms
 with traits
such
Linking Words
 as greed, selfishness, or a propensity for cruelty may engage in criminal acts.
Such
Linking Words
 characteristics are driven by their decisions, regardless of their circumstance. A wealthy individual,
for instance
Linking Words
, might commit fraud or corruption even if they face no external pressure like financial hardship or social exclusion. Opponents of
such
Linking Words
 an argument, on the flip side, point out that poverty and social issues are the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 behind crime.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they argue that if individuals lack access to — education, jobs or stable housing — these circumstances may push
people
Use synonyms
 toward robbery out of desperation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, social issues
such
Linking Words
 as inequality or broken family structures can
also
Linking Words
 foster criminal behaviour. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, youth who live in underserved communities with limited access to positive role models may join gangs or commit delinquent behaviour.
Consequently
Linking Words
, not only would
this
Linking Words
 create criminal activities
such
Linking Words
 as violence or drug trafficking, but it would
also
Linking Words
 build a misguided generation. Taking everything into account,
while
Linking Words
 it appears that criminal behaviour comes from individual bad personalities, I believe that poverty and social problems are major factors that contribute to criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure that the reasons you provide directly respond to the question. Strengthening the connection between your arguments and the overall task question can enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider enhancing your transition phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which can make your argument easier to follow.
content
Your introduction presents the topic well and outlines that you will discuss both views, providing a clear direction for the reader.
content
The essay contains well-developed ideas and relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly in discussing social issues that contribute to crime.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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