IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people work at home and study at home with the development of computer technology. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Since modern computers improved a lot of people are working and studying at their houses . In my opinion ,
this
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 could be beneficial for them in the future and it is a good development . If everyone started to
work
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 at home , they would not get bored and they would feel that
time
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 is always running out because employees would be choose what
time
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 they want to
work
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 .
For example
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, my father decided to
work
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 in an online job , so he could choose any period of
time
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 on the day he wanted to start .
In addition
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 to that , employees will be focusing more on their tasks , which will let them earn a high amount of salary . A lot of workers tried both ways of working either at their homes or outside , and the majority agreed about working inside their homes , so they do not have to bother themselves with what they want to wear at
work
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. Almost everybody goes out for their jobs in school in the early morning, which leads to car traffic and air pollution , so if some people start to do their tasks at home they will not arrive leat to their destination and they will always be on
time
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 and that will reduce the air pollution because the number of cars is decreasing.
Moreover
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 , pupils will be successful and will get high grades.
For instance
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, students will pay attention to the teacher
while
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 she is teaching and they will not have an opportunity to chat with the other classmates .
To sum up
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 ,
according to
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 what has been previously mentioned, I totally think that everyone should start to
work
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 at home or homeschool because it affects positively in different ways . Pupils will have a better education and employees will not worry about what they want to dress , which will make the world much more happy.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents your opinion but could be improved by paraphrasing the question better. Consider using more varied vocabulary throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to improve the flow of your ideas and ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points with more specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion about working from home as a positive development.
task achievement
You provide examples from your own experiences, which adds a personal touch and makes your argument relatable.
task achievement
You address both positive aspects of working from home for employees and students, showing a balanced view.
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