IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to a property agent. In your letter: * Introduce yourself and your family * Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find * Give your preference for the location of the accommodation

#property #agent #type #accommodation #hope #location
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Dear Sir, I am Mustafa, and I am writing to enquire about
this
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 letter as I am looking to rent an apartment in Toronto, Canada.
While
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 I live in Iran now, and I will migrate to Canada with my family within the next six months.
Hence
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, my family consists of my wife and son. As I described above, I am searching to rent a property to accommodate
for
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three members.
Accordingly
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, it should have three bedrooms, a dining room, and a kitchen.
Also
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, it should have a cosy balcony for summertime and caffeine time in the afternoon as well. My son is a kid and needs to go to the kindergarten. I prefer the flat which is close to there, and it should
also
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 have a public transfer facility for the convenience committee.
Therefore
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, the area should have markets
and
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shopping malls and
another facility
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other facilities
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 for my spouse. I look forward to your reply at your earliest convenience. Yours faithfully, Mustafa
Submitted by mustafaabedinasab on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a distinct idea or point; the second paragraph covers family introduction and accommodation needs, which could be more clearly separated.
coherence cohesion
While you attempted to introduce unique ideas in each paragraph, try to ensure clarity by separating personal introduction, property requirements, and location preferences into their own paragraphs.
task achievement
Be sure to fully elaborate on each point within the task. You could further explain why the requested features in the accommodation are necessary or desirable for your family.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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