IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that
children
Use synonyms
 should be motivated to be competitive,
while
Linking Words
 others feel that teaching them to be cooperative will be of more value as they enter adulthood. I believe that
while
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 be successful, cooperation is more important because it teaches them to
work
Use synonyms
 within a team, a crucial adult skill. Some argue that instilling a sense of
competition
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
 helps them to achieve success in whatever they do.
This
Linking Words
 is because being competitive creates a drive to win, which teaches them that hard
work
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 and discipline are the keys to success.
For example
Linking Words
, it is often the case that
children
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 who participate in competitive sports are less likely to quit when things are difficult and are,
therefore
Linking Words
, more likely to overcome obstacles in their jobs as adults. Despite
this
Linking Words
, I would argue that
children
Use synonyms
 require lessons on teamwork more than the will to win. If
children
Use synonyms
 are taught to be cooperative, they learn the importance of working in a team, which is something adults are expected to do. Through working with others,
children
Use synonyms
 learn not only how to respect different opinions but
also
Linking Words
 how to pool their strengths.
For instance
Linking Words
, preschools include cooperation as one of the first skills in their curriculum as they recognise that it is a vital social skill in all spheres of life. I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 with others is more important than giving them a sense of
competition
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
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 instilling a sense of
competition
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
 can help them succeed, I think that teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to be cooperative gives them the ability to
work
Use synonyms
 as part of a team, which is far more valuable later in life.

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Task Achievement
While your essay is structured well and covers both views, ensure each view is explored equally in terms of depth and analysis. Including another example or elaboration on the view supporting competition could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows well, but consider using a wider variety of linking phrases to improve coherence. This can help connect your ideas more smoothly for the reader.
Positive Highlight
Your introduction clearly lays out the debate and your opinion, setting the stage for the discussion.
Positive Highlight
You provide a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively, reinforcing your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of competition
  • encourage
  • cooperate
  • useful adults
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • motivation
  • goals
  • excellence
  • work ethic
  • personal accountability
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • effective communication
  • community
  • belonging
  • emotional well-being
  • globalized
  • interconnected
  • collaborate
  • balanced approach
  • individual achievement
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