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Writing Samples
Band 7

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, it has been widely argued that some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they put an effort into their occupation to raise their social status by having a high financial state. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the key reasons behind my view and give a considerable conclusion. On the one hand, these days
people
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 tend to
work
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 hard to gain money because it is not complimentary but essential in order to have a basic life standard.
For example
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, individuals believe the harder they
work
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 the more money they can gain. To clarify, some teenagers go to school in the morning and
work
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 at night in more than one job to secure their future.
Moreover
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, not all the children are lucky enough to be born in a rich family.
Therefore
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, most of them have to
work
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 hard to have enough funding for the university.
Thus
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, those children with
this
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 mentality when they grow up will
also
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 think they have to
work
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 hard.
On the other hand
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, the salary these days fails to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 an individual's basic requirements alongside an escalation in living expenses. For clarification, in today's world
people
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 have two directions to earn money either they have to
work
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 hard in their early life
such
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 as evolving academically and professionally, which leads them to get a high-position occupation with a lucrative income, or get involved in several jobs.
However
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,
people
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 who are not academically successful and lack skills will eventually
work
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 in an underpaid position
as a result
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, they will have to balance multiple jobs.
To sum up
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, working hard in the modern era is a key factor in having a high financial state, either by working at a very young age to secure the future or having multiple jobs as an adult.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments in a deeper way; this will strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clearly linked with appropriate transition phrases to enhance overall flow.
coherence cohesion
While the conclusion summarizes your points, try to restate your main argument more clearly to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument and strong opinion on the topic, showing a good level of conviction.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines your stance, setting a good foundation for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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