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Writing Samples
Band 6

In modern society, more and more people live longer. Do you think the benefits of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In the contemporary era, more people live longer than before. In my openion i believe there is a benefit to an older community as they offer youth a valuable life experience.
This
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 essay will examine the benefits of that intent.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, older adults offer support and wisdom to their children.
For example
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, based on a historical perspective, they are able to guide the community on the best ways in their career path or in the schools.
Moreover
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, they often assist their families with childcare and moral
.
Check wording
support.
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 They do more than just babysit ; they organise the weekend dinners, and they keep their family's energy positive. Older people used to make everyone feel happy and build a strong sense of unity. Another example is where a lot of seniors remain in the workforce as consultants or leaders in order to give the right support for the technical matters. Actually, the improvement in public health allows the crowd to enjoy extended retirement years for hobbies, travel and time with loved ones.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
on the other hand
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, the disadvantages of an ageing population often are health care and pension strain , which is placing pressure on public health systems, social security and pension funds.
Additionally
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, family pressure as long-term care needs overwhelm family caregivers, and older individuals may face risks of social isolation or limited career mobility for younger generations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of older people are important to focus on how to balance between them. Governments shall plan how to take the benefits from individuals to contribute to society.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part: say that the good points are greater than the bad points. Then keep this view clear in the end.
task response
Explain why the good points are greater. You give good ideas about help from older people, but you need to compare these ideas with the cost of health care and pensions.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, explain how a grandparent can care for a child so that the parents can work, or how an older worker can train new staff.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the first main part is much longer than the second. Give the bad points more detail before you make your final choice.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, separate family help from work help, or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. 'On the one hand' and 'However, on the other hand' work well, but some sentences are not complete, such as the part about family pressure. Write full sentences to make the meaning easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the end. Do not only say that both sides are important. Repeat your own answer and say why it is the better view.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear good point: older people can give help, care, and life knowledge.
task response
Your points about child care, family time, work advice, health care, and pensions are all linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, a paragraph for good points, a paragraph for bad points, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as 'For example', 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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