IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

When new towns are planned, it is essential to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping complexes. Do you agree or disagree with statement?

Some people think it is indispensable to erect more public
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 than shopping complexes when deploying a new town. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, I will elaborate more on
this
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 topic.
To begin
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 with, public
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 are more beneficial than shopping complexes in areas of public interest. When planning a new town, a neglect of
sports
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facilities
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 and and public
parks
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 is the main reason leading to public health issues. To illustrate, obesity is an imperative problem in America. A study point out that around 23 states had approximately 40% of adults prevalence. One of the reasons causing
such
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 severe issues is insufficient
sports
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facilities
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 and
parks
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.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to add more
sports
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facilities
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 and
parks
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thus
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 incentivizing citizens to do
sports
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 and avoiding obesity.
By comparison
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, building shopping complexities could only be beneficial to economic growth, but not public interest.
Moreover
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, monoculture in shopping malls leads to boring shopping culture.
Due to
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 globalization, international brands like Channels, Nike, Adidas, and so on have been spread around the world and you can see these renowned brands everywhere. For me, in Hong Kong I feel like all the shopping malls are the same,
this
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 phenomenon undoubtedly diminishes my interest in shopping.
Also
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, convenient online shopping could replace brick-and-mortar stores. We can sit in front of the computer and purchase whatever we want easily.
In contrast
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, there is no room for
sports
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facilities
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 and
parks
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 to be replaced by the Internet. In conclusion, the erection of public
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 is beneficial to citizen's health. Building shopping complexities could only contribute to economic growth with suspicious effects
due to
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 the replacement of the Internet.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain your main points and provide examples that directly support your argument. This will help strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas flow well from one to the next. Use linking words to connect your thoughts and to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your agreement, which sets the stage for your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban planning
  • public amenities
  • green spaces
  • biodiversity
  • aesthetic appeal
  • community well-being
  • sustainable development
  • health and wellness
  • social cohesion
  • economic impact
  • environmental sustainability
  • property value
  • constructive activities
  • consumerism
  • public health benefits
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