IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is this a positive or negative development?

The prominence of promotional entities in daily life is becoming rapid. The writer of
this
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 essay believes
this
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 notion to be a negative development because it not only leads to a breach
in
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of
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 consumers’ privacy
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 an abundance of unneeded
items
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, despite some fearing that
advertisement
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 is the sole method for the buyers to know how to buy a desirable product. It must be noted that advertising agents are actively buying individuals’ information. In fact, by cooperating with third parties
such
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 as search engines, many advertisers are granted insights
of
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into
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 their
consumer-base
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consumer base
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.
For instance
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, Google has been open about selling its users’ activities to other sites, even to those who accessed the web through alleged incognito mode.
As a result
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, many consumers are oblivious to the fact that their information is being leaked to outside sources, especially in explicit content usage. Another component
to
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of
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 the negativity of advertising firms is that they conduct manipulative marketing. Simply put, many stores spread
propagandas
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propaganda
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, that their products bring about positive effects, yet the majority of these promotional materials find methods to overstate these advantages.
This
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 deceptive practice causes buyers to excessively consume products,
in
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apply
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which they do not necessarily require.
Therefore
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, a substantial amount of finance from individuals is wasted on these redundant
items
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 because of
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advertisement
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advertisements
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. Despite the aforementioned results, some personnel believe consumers cannot find
items
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 without
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advertisement
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advertisements
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.
This
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 might be true in the past, yet as technology advances, so do the implementations of informant devices. Using these information sources, users can search solely for the
items
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, which they desire, without being tempted to buy unwanted goods. In conclusion, advertisements lead to the reduction of privacy, and the hoarding of unwanted
items
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,
although
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 some argued that
advertisement
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 was the prominent method of finding goods.

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task achievement
Clearly state your main idea in the introduction to guide the reader. Make sure your opinion is easy to find.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Add phrases like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to show the order of ideas.
task achievement
Expand on your examples. Provide more specific details to make your points stronger and more relatable to the reader.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion that advertising is a negative development.
task achievement
The concerns raised about privacy and consumerism show good understanding of advertisement issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • economic growth
  • provide information
  • awareness
  • job opportunities
  • manipulative
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • invade
  • personal space
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