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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Moden children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevelent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

In recent years, there has been a worrying increase in health problems in
children
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 that were previously only seen in adults. One of the most pressing issues is
childhood
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obesity
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,
this
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 shift is primarily driven by two factors: lifestyle changes and dietary habits, both of which can be improved with practical steps to mitigate
this
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 issue. One major cause of
childhood
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obesity
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 is the shift towards a sedentary lifestyle. With the influence of technology,
children
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 now spend most of their time on screens rather than being physically active.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
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 reduces their energy expenditure.
Moreover
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, many
children
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 have limited access to safe outdoor spaces, prompting them to stay indoors and engage with screens.
This
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 means they burn fewer calories, which contributes directly to weight gain. Another key contributor is dietary habits. Modern diets are often high in sugars, processed foods, and unhealthy fats. These foods not only increase calorie intake but they
also
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 lack the needed nutrients, making them a poor choice. Over time, poor habits lead to excessive weight gain which
then
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 leads to
obesity
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. To address
childhood
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obesity
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, it is important that parents, schools, and governments work together to solve
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, parents should encourage physical activity by limiting screen time for their
children
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. Schools can contribute by offering healthy meal options and integrating health and physical education into the curriculum.
Furthermore
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, governments can impose stricter regulations on the advertising of unhealthy foods towards
children
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 and promote guidelines for a balanced healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
childhood
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obesity
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 is caused by a mix of poor diets and lack of physical activity.
However
Linking Words
, with the help of spreading awareness, improved school policies, and parental involvement,
this
Linking Words
 growing health crisis can be effectively managed.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph and back them up with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Consider linking your ideas with more cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences.
task achievement
You can provide more specific examples or statistics to make your points stronger.
strength
Your introduction clearly presents the issue and outlines the main points directly.
strength
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points you made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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