IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Supporters claim that the
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement leads us to become
unity
Replace the word
united
show examples
. Critics,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, suggest that it will influence
people
Use synonyms
 to live as individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and give the writer's opinion
at the end
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. The
technology
Use synonyms
 has significantly developed in the
last
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 decade, particularly on the
internet
Use synonyms
. Through a laptop or smartphone,
people
Use synonyms
 can connect with their relatives around the world without concern about distance.
For example
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, a student who lives in Jakarta can easily contact his parent who is living in a different city. The
internet
Use synonyms
 is used to keep the relationship between children and their parents, and when
this
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 emotion is still maintained, their emotions
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 keep them in harmony.
On the other hand
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, critics of
technology
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 have been debated. They said that the cutting edge of
technology
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, particularly in weapons development,
such
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as
Change preposition
in
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 nuclear weapons. Every nation in the world has started to research more in
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 it is very important for renewable energy, it
also
Linking Words
 has a dangerous side for humanity because the effects of the nuclear boom can damage the world instantly. Another reason is that
technology
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also
Linking Words
 introduces smartphones to
people
Use synonyms
. The young generation, especially those who love to use
this
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 thing, always shows a lack of care with the
people
Use synonyms
 around them. They tend to live in selfishness. Those reasons make
people
Use synonyms
 care about the effects of
technology
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite the negative opinions,
Technology
Use synonyms
 influences every aspect of our lives now, especially with the
Internet
Use synonyms
. We use the
internet
Use synonyms
 every day for work, searching for information, and keeping in touch with our
beloved
Use the right word
loved
show examples
 ones in another place. I believe if we use
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 for a good purpose, it makes us united and more caring towards
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 around
.
Correct pronoun usage
us.
show examples

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction should clearly outline both viewpoints before stating your opinion. This helps the reader understand the essay flow.
task achievement
Try to add more examples to support your points. This will make your arguments clearer and stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate different viewpoints within the paragraphs. Use linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is good for discussion essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your view and reinforces the message.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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