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Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to tackle the problem of obesity is to educate people about healthy eating. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that by educating
individuals
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 about healthy eating, we can solve the issue of
obesity
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. I personally believe that
this
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 method can significantly reduce the rate of
obesity
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.
To begin
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 with, some
individuals
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 claim that simply educating
people
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 to have a healthier
diet
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 and encouraging them to reduce unhealthy meals is not enough to stay fit and healthy. In fact, they believe that several other factors play a crucial role in a person's weight,
such
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 as exercise, sleep duration, and genetics.
As a result
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, they think
people
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 should be informed of all these areas as well if they want to tackle
obesity
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.
For example
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, professional athletes can shape their bodies if they become aware of their physical condition and lifestyle,
in addition
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 to following a proper
diet
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that helping
people
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 to become familiar with healthier food and omitting unhealthy meals,
such
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 as processed meals, can significantly impact not only their weight loss but
also
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 their
overall
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 physical health. They believe that educating
individuals
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 helps them to recognise the consequences of
obesity
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, so it will be much easier for
people
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 to maintain their
diet
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 and lose weight. By way of illustration, when most
people
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, especially older
individuals
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, figure out that
obesity
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 is the cause of many problems,
such
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 as high blood pressure, the high risk of heart attack, and the risk of high blood sugar, they tend to follow a healthier
diet
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 to have a longer life with better quality. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 should be aware of other factors,
such
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 as their genetics and sleep duration,
as well as
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to tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
show examples
obesity
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, educating them to have healthier eating can be a good first step toward living a healthy life.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This can strengthen your arguments and make your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to the main idea of the essay. You can use more linking words to improve flow and clarity.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which sets a good tone for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You did a good job of outlining both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity epidemic
  • educate
  • awareness
  • healthy eating habits
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • nutrient-rich
  • fruits and vegetables
  • home-cooked meals
  • fast food
  • processed foods
  • portion control
  • mindful eating
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
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