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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the best way to improve the health and well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, believe that such a measure is ineffective. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that the best way to improve the
overall
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 well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical
education
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 compulsory in all schools.
While
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 it is understandable to include
this
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 subject in the curriculum, I believe that making it mandatory for every student could be counterproductive. First and foremost, an overemphasis on physical
education
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 may discourage
students
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. Many children might feel pressured to exercise, and since achieving good health requires time, persistence, and effort, forcing them to overdo physical activities could leave them exhausted. Ultimately,
this
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 may cause physical
education
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 to lose its appeal rather than encourage a long-term interest in fitness.
Secondly
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,
students
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 are often already overwhelmed with heavy workloads in academic subjects
such
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 as mathematics and science. If physical
education
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 were made compulsory, they would have less time to focus on these essential fields, which could lead to lower
overall
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 performance and grades.
This
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 not only affects individual
students
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 but may
also
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 harm a school’s academic reputation.
On the other hand
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, it is true that compulsory physical
education
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 can help children become fitter and reduce the time they spend on sedentary activities like computer games. Sports
also
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 provide opportunities to build teamwork, discipline, and stress relief after long study hours.
However
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, these benefits can still be achieved if schools encourage rather than enforce participation, offering flexibility for
students
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 with different needs. In conclusion,
although
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 physical
education
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 brings clear advantages, making it compulsory for every student is not necessarily the best solution. A more balanced approach that promotes but does not strictly enforce physical activity would be far more effective in improving the well-being of schoolchildren.

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coherence
Use clearer links to show how ideas fit together. Add one or two simple examples to back each main idea.
task
Make the introduction state your view and plan more clearly. Say your stance and what you will discuss.
task
Give more detail for each point. Show why it matters and how it affects health and well-being. Use easy, concrete ideas.
task
End with a clear restatement of your view to balance the essay.
structure
You show a clear view and good structure in paragraphs.
tone
Tone is calm and balanced; you consider both sides.
content
You begin to discuss both sides, not just one side.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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